BrewCats Mark 2!

Yes, I realize that we're in need of some new brewy content, but recent events have led your favorite Brewmasters to be buried under piles of paperwork the likes of which you've never seen. For now, enjoy BrewCats, and future brewy news shall be your forthcoming reward.

Surprise! It's a Scottish Ale!!!

Then hamster wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.

~

Guess what tastemasters - we've a new brew in town! I know what you're thinking..."Does England really have a shot in the Cup anymore after only showing a B- game against the yanks?" You're probably thinking that 'cause you're so in the mood for our new delicious, wedding-special Scottish Ale! While we would never normally hold out on you for so long, denying you the hilarious exploits of our ridiculous adventures through brewing, Brewmaster Marshall and I had to keep this puppy under wraps because it was a special wedding surprise for my 'lil bro.

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Surprise! You're not getting any more wedding gifts from us! But for realsies, Brewmaster Eric went all out on this one kids - starting with a standard Scottish Ale recipe, the geniuses at HQ tinkered with the grain profile AND the hops in order to create a beer that was both deliciously beery but that mirrored the standard flavor profile of Scotch. The result? Well upon gifting the first installment of brew to Weddingmaster Michael, our initial sips showed some serious signs of progress! It's peaty... it's woody... it's extremely alcoholic at a powerful 6.7% ABV. Now THAT's something to celebrate.

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While the full flavor takes another few months to really settle in, the Scottish Wedding Ale marks some of the EVBC's first real forays into completely re-jiggering a recipe and receiving some solid results. We're stock-piling this goodness to let the flavor come together and so that we have extra umph at our next Poppin Bottles party (date undetermined). Lucky for you guys, our faithful tastemasters, I gave the silly hamster a bottle of leftover Bellhaven instead of our ridiculously limited run of just 16 beers. Get those requests for a taste in early - they're selling like Scottish hot cakes (read: haggus and maple syrup). Yum!

BrewCats!

It's getting hops in here

"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the East Village." Anonymous

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Dude. It's warm in here. I mean, it's really damn hot. Brewmaster Eric has realized that the greatest enemy to the safety of the beer at EVBC at HQ might in fact be our Con Ed bill. As the mercury pushed its way northward this past weekend, HQ experienced it's first "pants optional" afternoon, as I found it near impossible to stay either awake or clothed in my only partially air conditioned apartment. The deadly combination of a small a/c unit in the bedroom (where non-beer magic happens) and a dearth of effective blinds in the kitchen and front rooms (where the beer magic happens) led me to create a vortex of desk fans to keep our current brews at usable temperature.

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So far, friends and well-wishers, we've made it through unscathed. However as the summer promises to steadily march forward in its unwavering mission to fry my brain and destroy our delicious beers, we must investigate our options to keep the beer at safe fermenting temperatures in the future. The awesomeness of your delicious 1st St Wheat depends on it! That's right, as promised, Brewmaster Marshall and I are returning to our fan favorite in order to win back your love and approval. While B.M. has a few dozen hobbies at any given time that he employs to show off his personal value to the world, I'm left merely with bawdy limmericks and brewing. And frankly, my latests brews cannot be saved by even the bawdiest of limmericks. Luckily, I've already began eyeing a space in the corner near the a/c that'll keep a delightful summer brew safely fermenting for the coming months, and we'll all be the better off for it.

~

Any special flavoring requests from the peanut gallery?

Pardon our dust

"He who moves not forward, goes backward." Goethe

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That's right kids! Despite the crushing sadness that a lack of EVBC update posts has caused you over the past two weeks, it is time finally to let us back into your hearts and minds. Don't question where we've been...ask yourself, "where are we going?" The answer of course is: TO THE FUTURE!!!

According to Neil Diamond, the future is now. Far be it from me to tell Jewish Elvis he's wrong, so let's celebrate the grand re-opening of the East Village Brewing Company at it's brandnew flagship location at 6th and A. Convenient to the park, above an overpriced Asian market with a wicked beer selection, and just steps away from numerous drinking holes, our new digs offer all the creature comforts of our last brewery but with an alarmingly limited amount of counter-space.

Your patience, tastemasters, will assuredly be soon rewarded! Brewmaster Marshall and I had decided a short while back that to celebrate our sweet new central-East Village locale, we're gonna revisit the fan favorite 1st St Wheat. You like coriander? We got it. Orange peel? Covered. A delicate softness that can come only from the finest of wheat extracts? Fucking yeah we did.

B.M. and I will be having another board meeting soon to set a Brewmaggedon date. If'n you're interested in the brewing process or basically just want an excuse to day drink, keep an eye out for brewy updates on when it's all going down! Next to Superbowl Sunday, Christmas Morning and Arbor Day, Brewmaggedon is the single greatest holiday known to man - don't miss it.

Lessons Unlearned

"The measure of a man is what he does with beer floats." Plato

.

What a weekend...I don't know about you, tastemasters, but Brewmasters Marshall and Eric took a low key evening of beer floats and somehow let it get out of hand. Sure, we were mildly concerned when at first only 4 people showed up to our awesome stout and frozen treats party last Saturday (three of which lived at HQ, the other of which was Brewmaster Marshall). Sure, we spent most of the party playing music on mini-tambourines and maracas while watching Teen Wolf 2 on mute. But we soldiered on...besides, what could be better than 4 gallons of ice cream and 2 cases of chilled out stout?

.

Nearly anything, ultimately was the answer. The EVBC learned some valuable lessons about the art of brewing merely by watching the guests craft careful excuses about why they weren't drinking beer floats. "I'm watching my figure," said one particularly svelt looking party guest. "I'm lactose intolerant," said another, playing upon Brewmaster Eric's heartstrings like the finely tuned Stradivarius it is. "Um... it's not kosher..." sputtered a particularly goyish looking Latin fellow, arousing suspicion that perhaps all the guys were dodging telling us the truth.

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The truth of course being that beer floats are gross.

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People straight up don't want beer floats. Hell I think even ROOT beer floats push the line of good taste to its breaking point. You know how when you're a kid you think they're awesome but now you don't drink them much anymore? That's cause they're fucking gross. Kids will eat 14 pixie sticks and then puke because they're so excited to see SpongeBob Squarepants that they simply can't help themselves...why in gods name are you listening to kids? Pretend as you will, chic jean'd hipsterati, that you're enjoying that oatmeal stout float after you down a locally raised grass fed tofurkey, swimming au jus in its own sense of self-importance. We've proven scientifically that it's all crap. Down at HQ we're happy to go forward having never again to wonder what that beer float on the dessert menu will be like and if we're better off ordering the apple crisp. We know we're better off ordering the apple crisp. And with all our leftover ice cream from the weekend, we're a la moding that bad boy all the way to the bank.

To (list)Serv Man...

I'm right on top of that, Rose!

Somewhere between hitting refresh on my fantasy baseball homepage every 14 seconds and obsessively trying to get to the second world in Angry Birds on my iphone, I find that I get an email that draws my attention upward towards my monitor with some immediate demand for attention. "Well you are at work," you might offer, assuming incorrectly that I meant a work email that demanded an attentive response. You'd be dreadfully mistaken.

No, in fact, I have found myself signed up for no less than 5 separate beer and brewing related listservs. Over the past couple months, I whipped myself into a frenzy with the dream of running away from my day to day job and entering the heady world of professional brewing...so of course, the only logical thing to do then was to gather information until my brain was so jam packed with useful knowledge that I'd be turning down offers from Sam Adams and Miller Brewing alike. Instead, what I've found is that my gmail inbox gets slammed by a variety of hits everyday, ranging from useful "how to keep your fermenter cool in the summer" strings to slightly less useful "house party at Cincinnati brewery next week." Granted, it's my fault for joining an Ohio based listserv, but still... one cannot be blamed for seeking knowledge.

Everytime my phone jostles against my desk, creating that light fuzzy rumbling that means I've either gotten an important text or someone is spamming me with Viagra sales offers, I find myself cursing my over aggressive listserv signups. The real winner listserv is hands down the New York City Homebrewers Guild which continually puts out some awesome info on how to fix broken batches, or even where you can get some free carboys around the city. They're super interactive and good at geting some info out there in a hurry. Other than that, save your disk space I'd say.

Going forward, tastemasters, I suggest signing up just for that one listserv if you're in desperate want of brewy knowledge. The continual stream of random "have you seen my gasket"'s I've been sifting through shall serve as an electronic albatros to us all. In your zeal for joining organizations, try to show some self restraint.

Don't mess with a brewmaster

Don't mess with a brewmaster when he's not in the mood

he'll sick the hounds of hell on you if he don't like your 'tude

he likes his ale temps steady and he likes his limmericks lewd

but if you mishandle either man he'll jack you up but good

Don't mess with a brewmaster while he's enjoying sports
your scathing"you're still watching this?" is hardly a retort
for when his team is losing best expect his temper short
and with your social norms you cant expect him to comport

Don't mess with a brewmaster when he's been drinking beers

you think you have the jump on him as he wipes off those tears

that were brought on by so drunkenly recounting all his fears

about how he mispitched yeast or how his lagers not quite clear

National Homebrewers Day 2010!

That's right, as part of National Homebrewers Day 2010, home brewers around the country will be setting up massive brew-ins the likes of which you've never seen before! Check out the various fun activites like this Big Brew fundraiser out in Greenpoint!!

Happy weekend, tastemasters!

Poppin' Floats Party Contemplated, Deemed Delicious

Brewmaster Eric sports a similar look when he gets Stogo in his beard.

That's right, tastemasters - the EVBC has finally come to the delicious conclusion that we need to host another poppin' bottles party. Brewmaster Marshall can't get enough of the buzz on our E. Vil. Empire stout floats, and with the imminent completion of our chocolate stout we're gearing up for a dessert party of epic proportions. Months of preparations and near failures have led us to this delectable moment and we want you all there - tentative diabetes inducing sugar rush date - May 1415 or May 21/22!

Yes friends, it's been far too long since we spent weeks upon weeks perfecting and creating our brews only to give them away in a vain effort to purchase your fan loyalty. I credit our facebook fanpage's failure to explosively grow in popularity due to the fact that we (1) aren't really much of a brewery and (2) fail to actually put products into the market stream. Well that shit changes today. Well, in two weeks. Ok more like two and a half weeks... but the point is, we're gettin fuschnookered on ice cream floats, and so are you!

Cookies? We'll have em. Lactose free options? You know it. Fritos? Damn skippy, cause I got like 60 bags left over from my birthday party (esoterically misguided in its humour but perfectly divine in its execution). Good friends? Well that's where you guys come in. Of course we'll have further updates as the date approaches, but keep your calendars open. I'm thinking we overload on sweets then try to go start fights at a local dive bar. Nothin says badass like a stout float stache.

Beware the lager lorry!

Apologies, fair brewmasters - HQ is swamped today but we didn't want to leave you without some brewy updates for your weekends enjoyment. Tonight Brewmaster Marshall and I will be bottling up the deliciously unnamed chocolate stout, and in a mere two weeks time it'll be ready for public consumption! hopefully by mid to late May we'll put on a nice beer tastin' shindig with a dessert theme to complete our ice cream floats and chocolate stout treats.

In other news, I came across this incredibly simple breakdown of the brewing process from grains to kegs....mostly I just wanted to introduce the term 'lager lorry' into your collective consciousness so when I refer to it going forward you'll know what the hell I mean.

Bon weekend!

Brewers Cavort, Rejoice

After months of failed attempts to re-jigger my schedule, I FINALLY made it to my first New York City Homebrewers Guild meeting last night! Every month, the NYCHG (see, everyone likes acronyms!) sets up shop at Burp Castle in the East Village to share some homebrews, learn about what's hot in the world of brewing, and apparently order in more french fries than I've ever seen at a non-Wendy's establishment. I showed up a bit late but was still there in time to meet with the head brewer of Bronx Brewery, most of the E-board of the NYCHG, and even was able to snag a taste of a rosemary amber ale (also available in marsala on special, $14.99, comes with two sides and your choice of salad or soup).

For my first foray into the niche world of NYC based homebrewing, I got over my butterflies and started making friends - dude, these guys know their shit. They are NOT screwing around. The majority of people I talked to have been brewing for about 8 years (something happened to the NYC bearded crafty types in 2002 apparently that forced everyone to start brewing that year), and there were even a few noobs like myself. Honestly, tastemasters, I was pretty happy with how well I was able to hang in their convos without sounding like an idiot. Hell I even got to talkin with two guys about opening up a brewery of my own, making sure to pay careful attention to their experiences in the hopes of finding success on my own down the line.

Albeit a brief dip into a deep pool of knowledge, friendliness and booze, I had me a good time at the meeting. Next month I'll be visiting again for Mead Madness Month, wherein apparently there will be SEVEN types of mead for the tasting. Any of you tastemasters who wish to come along, we can swing by HQ for some E. Vil. Empire stout floats and get our mead on!

To eat, perchance ice cream...

In another dumb luck maneuver, Brewmaster Marshall and I have once again stumbled into genius. Due to some incomplete instructing from the good people who sold us our E. Vil. Empire Imperial Stout kit, we failed to turn enough sugar into booze to create a truly high gravity imperial stout. However, we succeeded in creating a sucralicious dessert beer that will pucker the puss of even the sweetest toothed sugar addict.

Yesterday we took it to the limit.

When given the choice between one of three delicious Harpoon ales and our sickly sweet stout, B.M. opted surprisingly for the E. Vil. Empire...but then he blew my world to shreds by inquiring softly, "you guys have any ice cream?" Yes, Brewmaster Marshall... yes we do... we also have a pint size tub of dreams and creativity in the freezer waiting to be un-shrinkwrapped (NEVER eat a tub of dreams and creativity unless you get it shrink wrapped. some sicko might have messed with it). A delicate pint glass pour and two scoops of cherry garcia later, we had dessert success. Now, being a "lactard", as they say, I was unable to participate in the gluttony, but two independant dessert auditors rubber stamped the project and we're rollin' this fucker out at all due speed.

Yessir, we invented light red ale, and now we're taking beer floats to the upper echelon of deliciousness. You're welcome, tastemasters. Next time you're hanging around the East Village, come stop by EVBC HQ for a sample treat. All official tastemasters get a "don't abuse this but have some free shit" privilege until we monetize this bad boy, so don't dilly dally. I have dreamed a dream, tastemasters...now that dream is beer floats.

At yeast I tried...

"Who knows most, speaks yeast." Adapted Spanish Proverb

If you haven't figured it out yet, the theme of this piece is yeast. Yeast is the eukaryotic master stroke given to us from the lord on high to allow ucky sugar to be turned into delicious booze. Liquor, vino, mead, beer, sake - whatever type of sugar bucket you have, we add some yeast in there and sooner or later my friend we got ourselves a party. There's a reason people used to call it "Godisgood" before changing the name to something far less appetizing.

As any diligent homebrewer knows, yeast management is key. You can carefully balance out your grain bill, picking exactly the right amount of pale ale malt to balance out that handful of dark crystal (not to be confused with Dark Crystal, which to this dare scares the living bejesus out of me). You can choose all the right hops, and make sure your fermenter is clean and ready to go. Then you can wait a few weeks, and if you handled the yeast wrong you'll realize that you're still looking at a big bucket of sugar. April fool's jackhole, you failed to make beer!

If you're a knowledgeable brewmaster, you'd know that you simply need to pitch some more yeast, fix the temperature and you'll be on your way to finishing that conversion to delicious, delicious booze. If you're me, however, you'll instead decide "must be done... better bottle it" and end up with the sickliest sweet imperial stout you've ever had.

But good news, tastemasters! In the same vein as our amazingly innovate Light Red Lager (borne of misguided temperature muddling), Brewmaster Marshall and I have invented a delicious desert stout! It's extra sweet to help soften the bite of your flourless chocolate cake. It's super smooth to help calm your tummy after you just had to have that extra slice of bacon. And best of all, we're giving it away at rock bottom prices! Freesies!! Frankly we need to requisition the bottles for future endeavors, so get your hands on it now before its too late, cause now that we've branded it as a custom made desert beer, you're gonna see if fly off the shelves like a Tickle-me-Elmo themed Cabbage Patch kid.

The lesson here? God IS good for providing us with the ability to turn what is essentially a bag of honey into fizzy alcoholic goodness, but it also takes a bit of care on the part of the brewmaster to know how MUCH god we need in the machine. Remember, future brewmasters - yeast is your friend, and when in doubt, add a couple hundred million extra friends into the brew to make sure you get all the booze you desire.

What's in a name?

"That which we call a pale ale by any other name should still have strong aroma hops with citrus-filled notes derived from heavy Cascade hopping late added to the wert boil." Shakespeare

Fine, it's a paraphrase, but I guarantee you one bajillion percent that if ol' Billy was alive today, he would've been as enamored with home brewing as he was with people killing themselves for dramatic effect. Lord knows I am. And while his above adapted 'rose' soliloquy applied to beer judging then the world would be a very simple place indeed.

Sadly, Bill was not to my knowledge a homebrewer, and you really should know your beer name. Yesterday I started reviewing what materials I'll need for my upcoming BJCP beer judge certification exam in September. Turns out...it's a lot. My spirit was uplifted to learn that the exam is very rigidly structured, so you'll know exactly what types of questions will be asked of you at every turn. My spirit was then dashed against the rocks, and my heart made to feel all the worse for having been lifted so high before falling so far to my sudsy demise, when I then opened the "beer styles" pdf and realized it was 80 pages long. I need to learn 80 fucking STYLES - that's not even to say of the hundreds of commercial examples I will need to be able to categorize into these styles, the various chemical and physical properties of each style, and the ability to correctly and blindly taste test and identify the aroma, appearance, flavor and mouthfeel of each beer!

Ignoring for now the obvious punnery that can arise out of the term "mouthfeel", I gotta admit I'm a little frightened. While participating in a ridiculously victorious trivia effort yesterday (wherein we lapped the competition, leading all teams and winning by a 130 point margin), I walked up to the bar to order a pitcher for my teammates and I saw a dozen or so tap handles staring me in the face, all screeching out "na-na-na-na boo boo, you don't know what we aaaaare". They were right! I had no clue what these beers were, let alone how they should taste or how I could possibly judge them. I panicked and nearly ordered Miller Lite, but I pushed on and made my way down the bar to figure out what I wanted. Prohibition Ale? I mean, I knew I could order that and satisfy the needs of my drinking partners, but I wanted to look important and knowledgeable. I failed to be either however when I snagged the random IPA at the end of the bar simply because the tap had a label that said "IPA" and I was afraid to guess as to what I might get otherwise.

Sure, the IPA was tasty...but as I sat there sipping and trying to figure out what sort of criteria upon which I could judge this tasty pint, I realized that I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. Better hit the books! I'll be downloading PDFs all night and trying desperately to find a local study course for this thing... cause kids, right now, I'm in a nice position to fail spectacularly.
When it comes time for the essays, if I really find myself in a pinch I suppose I can start quoting Shakespeare randomly and push for the "by any other name" angle. Something tells me they won't buy it.

Liquid Lunch

"Work is the curse of the drinking class." Oscar Wilde

I know how you feel. Monday. Feh. Just two sleepless nights ago you were out partying with your friends, enjoying your favorite East Village Brewing Company ales and stouts, and claiming the night as your own as if you hadn't a care in the world.

Then it was Monday again. Back to the puppy mill, drone!! Or perhaps not... it's been a slow day at work. You don't think anything big will come up for the afternoon, and you're at your favorite midtown eatery taking a rare "non-desk day" for lunch when you spy the row of beer bottles behind the sandwich counter and think to yourself "man that would hit the spot."

But somewhere along the way that lunchtime beer got on the bad side of decorum. The calorie counters among us don't have much say in the matter, as plenty of the corporate elite still slam down glass after glass of equally as caloric iced tea with their overpriced butternut squash raviolini. I suppose the Mad Men inspired forty-three martini lunchers are still in the sweet spot of pop culture rubber stamping that g&t at 1230 when out with some co-workers, so we're losing some ground with that crowd. But why must the brewthusiast be forced to hide his strong desire for an IPA with his pastrami on rye? Doth not an amber ale make sense with that Dos Caminos guacamole sampler?

Lucky for you white collar worker bees out there, it seems like the tide is changing. Maybe it hasn't hit the stuffed shirt world of middle management yet but beer is getting classier by the minute. Craft and micro offerings that actually hold up on their own, warrant beer tasting classes and that can even be paired with shmancy 'client's picking up the tab' crab-cake-n-steak repast are no longer the stuff of legends. Once the EVBC starts mass producing our wares as well, I think the die shall be cast and beer embraced as the glorious centerpiece of the mid-day meal it should be. No longer shall the Thomas Pink wearing masses be forced to duck in and out of divey Irish bars on Weekday afternoons, popping four pieces of Dentyne Fire on the way out the door to cover up the Guinessy aftermath of their hallowed lunchtime tradition!

But my friends, for now it's but a dream. But believing in your dreams, like a well-placed lunchtime brew, should always be a good decision.

"Hey, you're a beer guy, right?"

"Information is not knowledge." Albert Einstein

Expertise, be it perceived, feigned or actual/factual, can certainly put one in a precarious position. When it seems like you know a lot about a subject, or have some kind of qualifications suggesting to the world that you SHOULD know a lot about a subject, people tend to test you on that knowledge on a regular basis. Medical practitioners get "heydoc'd" all the time - "hey doc, my knee hurts, think anythings wrong with it? hey doc, my back hurts, what kind of stretches should I do? hey doc, wanna check out this rash for me - we should go to my room though, I gotta take off a few layers for you to see it." Lawyers get a myriad of legal questions to which they nearly always respond "I don't practice that kind of law" or "you should speak to a real lawyer", somehow using self-deprication as a shield against the frigthening truth that law school teaches you jack shit.

We brewmasters feel a similar pain. Once you endeavor down the path of making beer, as opposing to solely consuming it, an assumed degree of actual knowledge is imparted to you in a way that people like to test. They aren't trying to blow up your spot or make you feel silly, quite the opposite in fact - they genuinely want to know what you think. "Brewmaster," they'll say, "you're so smart and handsome. You create such fine brew that just thinking about your soon to be released and as of yet unnamed chocolate stout, my toes tingle with excitement."

Thanks, I'll respond.

"But Brewmaster," you'll continue, "what makes stout different than the red ale?"

Uh oh. Time to test that brew-q, mr. fancy pants. Do you say its the grains? The yeast? The whole process? Or do you be a weisenheimer and say something like "stout starts with an s!" Well I'll tell you what, we don't like word play here at the EVBC, so mind your p's and q's.

The real difference between being able to spit back the facts of how the two beers differ and really knowing the differences comes with time and experience...and those cannot be easily bought like so many extract kits. Nay, like a deliciously low-alpha-acid hopped beer with the perfect balance of malt to spice, really knowing what you're talking about takes time, repition, and in this case, drinking. Much like the hops in our tasty brews, this type of knowledge is the most noble. Your faithful Brewmaster Eric is still endeavoring to get himself signed up to become a BJCP certified beer judge, so in the future he can answer your questions with some serious knowledge, and not just some information he's picked up along the way.

You know the true upside about a brewmaster's knowledge is that you can always go back to the "its a pretty solid beer" argument for nearly anything. Doctor's sure as hell can't say "that's a pretty solid knee injury" and have that be the end of the inquiry. Lawyers probably shouldn't say "that's a pretty solid perjury you did there" without expecting to get in trouble. Yessir, this brewmastery thing sure has its perks. Drink in the knowledge my friends, lord knows I will.

An all expenses paid trip to... Cincinnati?

As most of you should recall (considering I just posted about it two days ago), I've decided to fill my life up with more pressure and needless studying in the hopes of becoming a beer judge. Having realized that it will be nigh upon impossible to fulfil my grandfather's dreams of me ever becoming a Circuit Court judge, due partially to my inability to pay attention to anything for more than fifteen minutes and partially to my inability to be a better lawyer, he, I, and my family legacy will have to settle for National Beer Judge.

And let's face it kids, which one of these do you think gets a better pop at parties?

At any rate, I've found the sign-up process so far to be a bit more difficult than anticipated, based mostly on the fact that I'm not the only genius with this idea. BJCP limits exams to 5 times a month, and only 20 people per exam, so while here I am trying to join the ranks of the 6000 or so judges in this country, like 100 people a month are doing it before me - and worse yet, are preventing me from even finding an available exam seat! Now when I took the bar, the bar admin folks couldn't cash my check fast enough in order to allow me the privilege of sitting amongst 12,000 or so other stressed out law school grads who desperately wanted the summer to end. This time, I'm trying my ass off to track down exam hosts but I'm getting nowhere.

First bite at the line - a mid-August availability out in Cincinnati, Ohio. That's right, unless I hear back from someone closer to my precious East Village home, I'll be jetting off to O Hi O in order to judge beer for money. While I am relatively excited about visiting the brew pubs that Cincy has to offer (and maybe even taking in a pre-season Bengals game while judging the Budweiser at the stadium), I already have Green Day tickets for that night!

It's not easy being a Brewmaster, apparently...Green Day or Beer Judge exam. I wonder if my grandfather has an opinion about how I should deal with this latest dilemma. With any luck I'll score a Brooklyn test date and I can live out his dream of me becoming a Judge of one kind or another without impacting my own dream of going to more pop punk shows.

Here come the (beer) judge

As both a brewmaster and a doctor of laws, I consider myself to be a pretty smart and savvy brewthusiast. But in the court of brewy competition, much like in federal court, the only opinion that really matters is that of the judge herself (EVBC is an equal opportunity employer, incredibly PC in all matters written and spoken, and pretty snappy dressers when the occassion calls for it. Well, Brewmaster Marshall is anyways). When I sip 'pon the finest East Village Brewing creations, such as our soon to be completed masterpiece E. Vil. Empire Imperial Stout, I think fondly of their younger days as a big ol bag of grains, and of all the little moments we had along the way... like when the hops were stirred in, or when their fallen comrades who spilt off the side of the bottle lip chose to stain my kitchen floor for all eternity instead of joining their brethren in soppy greatness. Sadly, like a proud parent or an oddly attached pet owner, when I look at my creations I see only greatness - but the judge sees not my love.

The judge sees flaws. The judge sees imperfections. The judge... well... they judge. It's kind of self explanatory. So in an attempt to both become a better and more even-handed judge of beer-character, and maybe even shamelessly self promote along the way, I am registering with the Beer Judge Certification Program (BJCP for short - everyone loves acronyms!) in order to perfect my palate and raise my credibility in the brewing community. With an accredited BJCP approved judge on our team, the East Village Brewing Company is moving towards great things - great, judgmental things!

From now on when out at a bar I can say "this IPA's a bit light for an American offering..." or when sitting on the judge's panel for a local homebrew challenge I can pronounce "I'm pretty sure your marriage failed because you didn't add enough malty flavor to your porter." And you know what? They have to respect my decision (and/or beat me up in the alley after the competition)! What joy! What fun!

Whaddya mean I have to study my ass off for it? Apparently this thing is no joke... I have to download a few pdf's to get my knowledge up, there's a suggested reading list of like 30 books, and best of all, I am supposed to buy a smell kit so I can hone my senses. As if my eagle eyes and cat like reflexes weren't good enough for them! Well, it seems as though you have to pay the cost to be the boss, so I'm off to get myself a sniffin' kit and start the learning process. Hell if I survived the New York State Bar exam, I suppose I can make it through the BJCP test. At least this time they'll give me credit for drinking as part of my studying regimen.

Now that's what I call education.

Brewmaster Eric tackles Health Care, Real Winner is America

"The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter." Winston Churchill

Landmark legislation has stuck the EVBC! Thanks to the recent passage of national health care, we no longer feel bad about not offering benefits to...well...anyone. Aside from the curative powers of Imperial Stout (deliciously bottle aging as we speak), the East Village Brewing Company offers neither its fans nor its employees anything in the form of health benefits. In fact, some people argue that drinking is actually BAD for your health, but because they're incredibly lame we'll ignore them for the time being.

I myself tried to keep tabs on the whole back and forth in the legislative houses, watching the struggle of private interests against public good, the eternal battle of "it's my money and I need cancer screenings now" vs. "death panels give you communist crabs which ultimately cause auto-immuno-abortions that undermine the very blah blah blergy blag". It's like Ali-Frazier, except boring as shit and drawn out over months and months (so its really more like the 1893 Bowen-Burke classic... google it...it lasted 111 rounds. I'm not kidding). I know to others this whole human drama was expertly unfolded with all the Belt Insider intrigue that you come to love after years of twitter-stalking Nancy Pelosi, but I personally got lost about four seconds in.

I'm no rube - I've seen democracy at work plenty 'o' times and I've seen it falter just as many. I saw the machine at work in "big campus" politics - that's right, class president elections. To be totally honest, I pretty much gave up on democracy when during my Junior year of college the write-in candidate "My Balls" got elected in a landslide. That's right, no actual human 'won' technically..."My Balls" did. I would've even forgiven the dudes from Beta House who clearly stuffed the ballots (everyone knows that drunk pledges show up in droves on election day, majority of them at the behest/threat of their equally as plastered elders) if the embarassment had ended there. No, Tastemasters, second place vote didn't go to a human either - say hello to vice president "My Sac".

IT WAS THE SAME GODDAM JOKE. AND IT WON BOTH MAJOR ELECTED POSITIONS.

So much for student government by and for the people. In a move befitting a warring African nation, the powers-that-be decided President Balls and VP Sac weren't fit to take office, and gave it to the third place "enrolled human" student instead. What a crock. I guess this is how all those legislators must feel about having to settle for some health plan that made NO one truly happy. Perhaps the real accomplishment was just getting it passed though...I mean, no matter who took office during my fateful Junior year, the real triumph of the democratic spirit was that TWO write in candidates took it with relative ease. The people spoke, and they wanted My Balls and My Sac in charge of their collective fates. And maybe this really isn't about MY balls... or YOUR balls... but OUR balls... and you know what? That's really what democracy is all about.

With friends like these, who needs bad habits?

Facilitator.

Devil on your shoulder.

Bad idea machine.

Reason everyone is chain smoking and throwing bottle caps at cars off a bridge.

Assuredly you know a couple of people that fit these descriptions. That bad apple who's always saying "let's just have ONE more shot of patron...and you're buying." The genius who thinks "if we order the whole pizza we're actually saving money in the long run." You bitch about it later and wonder aloud why you hang out with them until 4 in the morning on Tuesday evenings, and you cough up a lung as you question your choice to smoke half a pack of American Spirits while sipping on Coors Light in a rocking chair.

The problem isn't having a couple of these friends. It's having them all in the room at the same time...then shit gets crazy. Such special occassions are normally reserved for holidays and reunions, fraternity get-togethers, and possibly seder at your cousins' house (depending on how badly you hate the pharaoh that year). Luckily the US Government and my fraternity alumni board have conspired to host these events almost exclusively on weekend evenings, preventing the ever so unpleasant waking up for work the next day.

St. Patrick's Day is not as forgiving. It shows up whenever it feels like it...a drunk college roommate who ignores the sock on the handle...an ex girlfriend who is always at the same karaoke bar as you...that facial tick you get every time you watch Just Shoot Me on TBS. The best approach in all of those situations is the same - grin, bear it, and start drinking, cause god help you none of that shit is just about to go away if you ask it nicely. Me and my reckless buddies visited Lederhosen down in the West Village to sup 'pon finest weisswursts and spaetzel, downing litres of black lager in the finest Irish tradition until the St Patty storm passed. It was fun...it was grand...it was on a Wednesday night and I had to be up at 7am the next morning.

It was brutal. But like I said, two things you don't want to fight are drunk Englishman and fate, and St Pattys really encompasses both those sentiments... I grinned... I bore it... I drank my black lager. Tastemasters, I hope you did too. When else can you play quarters on a Wednesday without anyone batting an eye?

Bottles bottles everywhere, but wait two weeks to drink

Brief update from HQ:

This past Monday, 50 precious bottles of Imperial Stout were capped up, where they lie in wait until the time is right and then they shall pounce upon our thirst, ravishing it like lambs on lion-pride-initiation night. Oh my friends, it's gonna be great... and in honor of this momentous occassion, we've decided to tell the world that everyone's invited over to check out one of the very tasty E. Vil. Empire Imperial Stouts (please tell me before you show up, I may or may not walk around in just my boxers...I may or may not even wear boxers at all. It's one of the great mysteries of the EVBC)

At any rate, Brewmaster Marshall and I decided it was time to up production....no rest for the Brewmaster, as they say! So we endeavored to hit full brew-speed by switching over to all grain brewing. With a little guidance and some new equipment courtesy of our friends over at Brooklyn Homebrew, we were off and running - a very complex Chocolate Stout (as of yet unnamed). Initial reports show the flavor is developing quite nicely, and we anticipate a lot of satisfied customers in the coming weeks. You want a chocolate stout float? We can do that. You wanna make some beef jerkey with chocolate stout flavoring? We're way the fuck ahead of ya. You want to discuss the merits of Kantian Teleology while sipping on a delicately balanced chocolate stout with just the right amount of hoppy aroma and a perfect body? Knock yourself out, poindexter, we love a good ontological discourse as much as the next Brewmaster. To paraphrase the immortal words of T.I., "you can drink however you like." We don't judge.

To your face anyway. So, sit back, relax, wait around while my heat blisters heal from the fucking hot wert mishaps associated with that tasty chocolate stout, and in just a short while it'll be time to crack open another batch. Until then, Tastemasters, stay brewy.

We don't care about your blog post, talkin bout your blog post...

After an extended absence, I've returned to your blog rolls and your hearts! Thousand pardon for the disappearance...wouldn't want to trigger any latent attachment issues you might have due to parental travel whilst you were a kid, we've just been slammed over at HQ trying to get some new projects in order!

First and foremost, the Imperial Stout is near ready for bottling...assuredly it will be the greatest beer of all time.

Second, B.M. and I began our trip down the path of all-grain brewing. That's right, now no one can say we aren't true and perfect brewmasters! After about 6 hours, two scalding heat blisters, and one mistimed opening of the drainage valve that resulted in a real mess on the kitchen floor (and one of those heat blisters), we got through our first mashing run with fantastic results. About to move into the secondary fermenter is a delicious chocolate stout (as of yet unnamed) that's made with real bits of chocolate!

[Editor's note - my hilarious attempt to have a strikethrough comment on the word panther before chocolate, creating a delicious reference to Anchorman, was apparently unsupported by this blog format. It was gonna be spectacular. Apologies]

Other fantastic news involves the purchase of a food dehydrator so we can master the art of jerky making. That's right, EVBC is hittin the snack cart...and we're hitting it hard (additional aggression in said hitting due to high alcohol content of the imperial stout). G.T. Robyn has valiantly offered to create a series of fruit jerky and leathers to keep our non-meat enjoying friends happy, although I still don't think chicken counts as a meat so I refuse to bend to their wishes.

Yup, everythings been honkey dorey over here at the East Village Brewing Company, spare the Brewmasters' regular struggles with existential purpose and the omnipresent "what are we gonna do with our lives" conversation. For now, the goal is to just keep brewing, avoid further heat blisters, and hope it will all work out in the end. Besides, once we get the operation fully up and running, we can make beer and jerky without ever leaving HQ...and if you're gonna have a base of operations, there's no better place than the EVBC.

EVBC hires guard for beer stockpile, face injuries at HQ up 500%

Please don't bother listening closely, our menu options are exactly the same

There's nothing like a really solid cold to turn you into a fucking child. Sure, you can put on your suit and fancy shoes and take the big boy bus to your grown up job everyday, but you get a sniffle and a touch of flu and you'll be begging for soup and your mama so fast your graduate degree will spin. Between hand-maid-bell-service and half-seeing The Price Is Right through a foggy Comtrex induced haze, I remember that my junior high sick days really set the bar pretty high. Something about waking up at 1030 and pounding a few glasses of OJ before falling face first into a pile of fresh laundry (thus ruining said laundry with my germ-coodies) really made me feel like being sick wasn't half bad.

Nowadays, there's no fresh laundry - I send that out to the place across the street anyway.
There's no hand-maid-bell-service - unless you count having to buzz in the delivery guy with my $20 dollar Kleenex and Campbell's Soup order.
Worst of all, there's no Price Is Right - I mean, Drew Carey's doing his best, god bless 'em, but he's no Bob Barker.

All I'm left with instead is the all powerful leveling truth that being sick sucks. I'm not that bad off that I can justify cashing out 7 or 8 of my "personal days" hours at work, and since I don't yet run my own brewery I'm forced to clip-clop my way to the subway and into the office. A few Dayquil and some memo typing later though, at least I can run home to my delicious East Village Brewing Company favorites... right? Wait, you aren't supposed to drink when you're sick?

Sigh... oh well... I guess it's for the best. I mean, Brewmaster Marshall and I DID just finish brewing our next soon-to-be-fan favorite just this past weekend. Hell it's gonna be nearly a month before it's ready for you tastemasters to crack open and love. So, I'll rest up while that delicious booze making fermentation takes place. I'll drift off to sleep tonight dreaming of our double-digitly alcoholic Imperial Stout. I'll pitch over tomorrow at my desk wishing I could have myself some cheese and and cracker compliments to a tall glass of ale. And, more than likely, I'll pass out on a stranger on the 4 train wishing I could watch some Barker-run Price is Right with my favorite new Stout.

Guess I'll have to wait. For now... no drinking, no laundry naps and back to whining like a child...

Brewing perfection, now available in extra-awesome sizes

"You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else." Albert Einstein

Good 'ol AlbEin knew what he was talking about. You can't just figure out the system if you want to run with the big boys, you have to reinvent the whole damn thing. Guess what, tastemasters - we did it.

Suuuure, you're skeptical that on only our third attempt, Brewmaster Marshall and I achieved taste mastery. Suuuure, you're doubting that we'd be able to pull off what could only be described as a perfect marriage of taste and texture. I bet you think the moon landing isn't real either. Don't be such a doubting Thomas! And just because we don't actually have more than one of these precious First Street Wheat's left, obviating any chance the skeptics have to be proven wrong, doesn't mean it wasn't real.

Poppin' Bottles Two was a smashing success, driven primarily by some awesome guest cameos from first time and repeat EVBC-offenders alike, and it was solidified by the excellent presentation of the First Street Wheat. Now that we've redefined what it means to be a home brewer, what next?

Well, we gotta do it again. And again. And again and again and again!!! With all types of beers!!! Now that we know the rules, the only thing left is to continue kicking ass and faking names (of beers). Thanks to all who made it out, we look forward to next month and next brew, a heady imperial stout with a meager 10.5% alcohol.

Buckle up, buttercup.

Poppin' Bottles 2: Lost in New York

Poppin' Bottles is BACK with a new batch. This Saturday Brewmasters Marshall and Eric want you to join us for the poppin' of First Street Wheat - our Belgian Witte Ale. Party kicks off at 9 pm at the EVBC brewing HQ. As always, in order to partake in our delicious brew, we kindly ask you bring a brew, wine, or liquor of your own choice. We will provide some snackage, but you're more than welcome to supply your own delicious concoctions as well.  RSVP here.

See you on Saturday! The Brewmasters salute you!!!

Field Trips!

"Chuck Noblet: And remember, I need the permission slips for this weeks trip to Good Time Island.
Girl Student: Wheres *your* permission slip?
Chuck Noblet: SHUT YOUR DIRTY LITTLE MOUTH."

Don't worry, Tastemasters and Tastemistresses, we here at the East Village Brewing Company have a strict "no parental permission" policy. Besides, as grown-ass men and women of the world, you clearly know what's good for you and what isn't. You are masters of your own destiny, able to pick and choose the things that are healthy for you and avoid those that are not.

Right?

Screw it, we don't avoid shit when we're chillin chillin at HQ. And it's that "what doesn't kill me eventually gives me cancer" attitude that takes us on our soon-to-be-famous road trips of boozy exploration!!

Aided by Tastemaster General Michael and Grand Tastemistress Robyn, Brewmaster Eric has spent the last couple of weekends learning more about the industry of alcohol. First up, Tuthilltown Distillery! Famous for being the first distillery in New York since Prohibition and championing the cause of small-batch whiskeys a mere two hours from the Big Apple, Tuthilltown is truly a family company that pumps out ridiculously high quality booze for brown liquor aficionados. On our visit, TG Michael and I went on a guided tour of the entire facility, which amazingly is housed in an old grist mill in upstate New York. First stop - the barrel room, where hundreds upon hundreds of gallons of freshly charred American white oak barrels lay stacked across the room like so many gold coins in Scrooge McDucks vault filled with deliciously aging bourbon (made just fifty feet away). Our hands-on tour of the distillery was expertly guided, and even involved me getting to stick my head into a filling tank of custom made Blanche-style absinthe and nearly pitching over in joy (and from the fumes). All in all, I got try out all of their wares - I strongly encourage you to get the Baby Bourbon - and even walked away with my very own 5 gallon bourbon barrel so me and B.M. can make us some barrel-aged beer!!

Next up was the Harpoon Brewery in Windsor, VT. Although they weren't running tours when we arrived, GT Robyn smiled our way into the back room and we got a private tour of the entire operation! Amazingly, the only difference between how the pro's do it up in Windsor and how we do it here at HQ is the size of the operation. And as we all know, size matters when it comes to brewing. I wondered about the brew kettle, marveled at the sights and smells of the fermenting tanks and day-dreamed about going all Laverne and Shirley on the bottling machine. My heart pitter-pattered as I stomped about the largest fucking beer storage room I've ever been in - thousands of pallets of tasty tasty beer just WAITING to get sold to uppity Northeastern grads in hoodies. I snagged a growler of their Harpoon Munich Dark and tittered with the crew about how fantastic [spoiler alert] the secret new Belgian beer [spoiler alert] they're about to unleash upon the world shall be.

Oh, did I mention that if you're an employee of Harpoon at the Windsor location, they let you make up your own recipes and they'll fucking BREW IT FOR YOU? Yes kids, it was a whirlwind field trip for dear old Brewmaster Eric. My adventure to Good Time Island was a success, and we didn't even lose any kids on the field trip!

Brewy Valentines!

Hello out there tastemasters,
you know just where it's at,
you love the EVBC,
so we made you up this hat!

With MS Painted head shots,
of your favorite brewin' dudes,
so you can show your fandom,
and help us spread the news!

For now a Happy Valentine's,
and a 'see you soon',
because my friends this weekend,
will be Poppin Bottles 2!!!!

(details forthcoming in lazily distributed facebook invites!)

A cheap distraction from your work day

courtesy of www.epicportions.com

As a result of Brewmaster Eric acquiring a large amount of 'real life' work in the past two days but still wishing to entertain and delight, please enjoy this handy dandy guide to eating food off the floor. If you're my illustrious roommate Alex "Two Step" Trepp, however, the rule is 100% "eat it", apparently.

UNLEASH THE BREW-RY!!

Tom never really understood the 'soft sell'.

Momentous days, friends, momentous days! Brewmaster Eric finds himself (albeit extremely briefly) unemployed, and during his much deserved two days off he plans on exploring his brewing career options...until 9am Monday morning when he has to go back to reality, that is.

Why the sudden drive to monetize the EVBC? Can it be that the sudsy zeitgeist of the East Village brewthusiast scene has moved him to chase down ultimate happiness at the helm of a brew pot? The short answer of course is yes, but as those of you who know Brewmaster Eric, with him there are no short answers.

Last night the lovely and talented Shwa Losben (pictured here doing god knows what to his guitar) invited me to meet and greet with the Brooklyn based micro-finance wunderkind over at Kickstarter.com. The idea behind Kickstarter is simple - you have a cool idea, but you don't have money. Out there, there's a whole internet worth of people who have money, but they don't necessarily have a cool idea....Kickstarter helps connect the dots! I was able to blend in with the varied and sundry artists and businessy types that dwelled within the hallowed halls of Kickstarter's hip LES office space (replete with ping pong table and back patio area that would clearly provide ample cigarette break space but with little privacy, thus forcing one to choose between nicotine and acceptance), and after a while I got nice and comfortable with the idea of talking up the East Village Brewing Company as my little pet project.

How would I monetize this precious start-up? Well, that part was tricky, so we mostly talked about other people. I met some teachers, some farmers, some staffers, some idea men, a few guys putting on a film festival and hell I even met a guy who's making local salsa available in your grocer's aisle come this summer. Everyone was great, and I left the party amped up to get my shit in order and move the EVBC to the next level. Hard part now is just figuring out what that is...I figure I can shoot for some kind of over-wrought Waynestock type story line that involves me breathing in some bad hops and speaking to the ghost of Dylan Thomas whilst attempting to win the love of an actress whose career has inexplicably survived well beyond its natural course (you think we can get Tiffany Amber Thiessen?). Sure the plot line is mostly slapped together samples of other movies and jokes that have been recycled from a one-trick-pony SNL skit long since past its prime, but goddammit if you're only 12 you don't KNOW that yet! The point is, I plan on sitting down this weekend wearing my see through green visor with some adding machines and a sketch pad, and hopefully it'll all come up roses.

To that end, Brewmaster Marshall and I have put in the next order for our next super-alcoholic offering: E-Vil Empire Imperial Stout. At a whopping 9-10% alcohol by volume, you won't know whether to hug us or puke. We only ask you don't do both at the same time. The 1st Street Wheat's coming along nicely, and whispers by the water cooler hint that there's talks of doubling our production rate in the near future. Time to take this show on the road! Time to get the EVBC out there! Time to unleash the brewery!

Cold-filtered Charity

"You must love this country more than I love a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning." Homer Simpson

It's true, I do love this country. Everyone here at the East Village Brewing Company does - we're patriotic folk. We love football, frito pie, and stealing couches from the quad when we think no one's looking but then realizing they belong to the hockey guys down the hall so throwing it out the window so they don't know it was you who stole it. 'Cause that's the American way, god damn it.

If you listen to the good people over at the Coors Brewing Company, we Americans also like cold beer. The colder the better I say! Hell, if you could run a dog sled team mushed by the abominable snowman straight to the iciest depths of Valhalla and steal a keg of silver bullets away from the Wampa that guards the ice-lined vault from which all Coors Light flows, I'll pull on my favorite pair of Freakie Freezies and toast to the yeti king himself for my frozen bounty.

But there's something I don't like...and it stinks worse than yesterday's wert...and that's children dying without getting their last wish. I say nuts to that! That's why Brewmaster Eric is proudly declaring his support for his good friend and Tastemaster Extraordinare Alex "Two-Step" Trepp's campaign to raise $1,500 dollars for the Make-A-Wish foundation by plunging himself into the Long Island Sound with some other genital-shriveling daredevils this coming Sunday.

As you sit down to watch the Superbowl, you'll probably raise a frosty cold beer glass to your lips, take a sip and think "aaaah... thanks yeti king, thank you for loosing free this delicious icy treat." As lowers your glass back to the table (onto a coaster please, you weren't raised in a fucking barn), so too will Alex lower himself gently into the briney deep, praying that all his extremeties survive the ordeal. If you'd like to toss some patronage his way, please feel free to show some Polar Bear Pride by clicking below:

Cold-Filtered Charity starring Alex Trepp

Thanks all - one of the main tenants of the EVBC charter is giving back, and as your humble Brewmaster I thank everyone for checking out the link to help out my boy Alex here.

Bottlin' time - a poem

A poem to hum for bottling day:

Bottle bottle, sanitize, bottle bottle, stack
Clean out the auto siphon and then have yourself a snack
Start the water boiling and dump in the sugar pack, oh!
bottle bottle bottle time yes now you've got the knack!

Bottlin bottlin bucket, clean it out and put it back
add the water/sugar mix (pray the bucket don't crack)
siphon in the brewy mix and give the fermenter a smack, oh!
bottle bottle bottle time yes now you've got the knack!

Bottle bottle tubin time, open up the rack
If your friend spills off some booze don't give him any flack
Box up the capped off bottles and for drinkin' you're on track, OH!
bottle bottle bottle time yes two weeks until we crack, EM!
bottle bottle bottle time yes tap em with a clack, OH!
bottle bottle bottle time yes now you've got the knack!

New beer finally named, ends contest about which few people cared to begin with

"The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection." Michelangelo

Tastemasters, today is truly glorious - we are proud to announce the newest work of art from our fancy little brewery, a Belgian witbier known henceforth as "First Street Wheat".

Credit for the naming, and the winner of the contest lightly publicized by Brewmaster Eric over the past few weeks, goes to none other than David James Cole famous the neighborhood over for his incredibly offensive Guess Who playing style and a keen ability to name beers that may well never make it to market. Cole's dedication to the EVBC brew-niverse has netted him grand prize for the naming contest - pizza with the Brewmasters and a tour of EVBC HQ. Congratulate him when you get the chance!

In other news, Brewmaster Marshall and I will be bottling our newly titled First Street Wheat a bit later this week, marking a fortnight countdown to the next homebrew release party! Many dedicated Tastemasters were a bit salty after we gave our brews to strangers earlier this month, but fear not - this next round will be all about you! Although HQ has DEFINITELY not authorized it, I'll be looking into getting some fun door prizes for everyone (bear in mind, they may just be pictures of me winking at you). So mark your calendars (tentatively) for late February, cause it's about time, and its about the Tastemasters!

Colbert proven correct, bears finally destroy world

This has nothing to do with brewing. This has nothing to do with beer. Hell, this doesn't even follow the laws of logic. But I'm gonna be totally honest - this is awesome, and if I was truly blessed I could use ms paint to get my face on one of these bears before its too late.

Also, if you watch the whole video on the site it will artificially inflate our Google Analytics 'time spent on website' statistic, which in turn will artificially inflate my ego.

FAME!

"I feel it comin' together

People will see me and cry. Fame!
I'm gonna make it to heaven
Light up the sky like a flame. Fame!"

Ignoring for the time being that the lyrics quoted above could be read out of context to sound as though boasted by a death row sociopath nearly moments before his final will and testament, we here at HQ think that before too long, all the world will be able to "remember, remember, remember, remember our name." Brewmaster Marshall and I are skyrocketing straight to the top - first, the sweet response to our awesome Avenue A-le at last Saturday's beer tasting tour, and now, we're hanging out with rock stars!

Yes, like the shameless rockutants we aspire to be, B.M. and I took the EVBC party on the road for a nice board meeting at Vazacs Horseshoe Bar on 7th and B (famously talked about in our ever expanding Brew York bar guide!) and parked ourselves next to the nearest celebrities we could find in order to glean off of their awesomeness. Brewmaster Marshall was able to get us in the door with his uncanny ability to recognize lesser known pop stars, and before too long we were rubbing elbows with James Mercer of the Shins and Brian Burton a.k.a. Danger Mouse of Gnarles Barkley fame. The duo is better known these days as Broken Bells...but maybe soon we'll just call them "friends".

Along with Jim and BriBri, I was also made to look the fool by declaring my fan-boy level love for the Black Keys when it was revealed to me that the guy who loaned me his lighter was in fact their drummer. Nothing says cool like screaming "omg i heart u guyz!" I assume I was so excited I somehow fell into text talk...not unlike how you speak better Spanish when you're drunk, or better Klingon when you're high. B.M. was even able to somewhat blow up Danger Mouse's spot by approaching him whilst he 'worked it' towards some unsuspecting 22 year old near the jukebox. I as well hovered close at hand, but that's merely because I wanted to pump more of my brother's dollars into the machine to blast b-side Danko Jones tracks and head bang at the bar.

All in all, the evening was a true success story. While I'm not convinced they will actually "remember our name," I'm relatively certain that we're fucking awesomer for having partied near, albeit slightly apart from, such kick ass rockers.

Birthday Shmirthday, where's my blog post?

"Patience is a virtue, possess it if you can,
seldom found in woman, never found in man."

Tastemasters, we had ourselves a hell of a weekend here at HQ. As many of you know, Brewmaster Eric celebrated his birthday this past weekend the way he always does - with 12 pounds of chili, 100 bags of fritos and 40 or so of his closest friends and well-wishers. Now if you do the math, you'd figure on everyone getting 2.5 bags of fritos and about a third of a pound of chili and a food-coma so severe that even the bei-est of rut's couldn't awake them from slumber. But numbers aren't everything, my friends. For some reason we pummeled the chili in two hours and were left with nearly 50 bags of leftover fritos (ps - if you guys want some fritos, I got the hook-up) - oh, and we rocked out til the wee hours with the good folks over at King's Head Tavern. As their website proudly bosts, you can reserve the entire back area for no charge and the manager Adam is a wicked cool Aussie who welcomed us with open arms and cash registers.

But that wasn't all, no sir, not by a long shot! Earlier in the afternoon, EVBC HQ opened its arms and cash registers to 30 or so well intentioned strangers for our very first hosting-spot on the Brooklyn Home Brew Tour organized by Josh over at Gut Instinct. Seeing as how Josh is a contributing author for such fine publications as TimeOutNY and New York Magazine, Brewmaster Marshall and I tried to put our best food forward in showing off what the East Village Brewing Company had to offer. There were laughs, there were hugs, and there was a well delivered homily on the history and meaning of the EVBC by a still sober Brewmaster Eric. Once the Avenue A-le and Stuy Town Nut Brown started flowing, the crowd sampled, judged, and - gasp! - approved! A general huzzah was pronounced for the amazing accomplishment of our fantastic light red ale, including such comments as:

"It's an ideal party beer."
"I really like the light taste, definitely different."
"My eyes are up here jackass."
"I give it a 7.5 or 8"

Using the power of rounding (and self-inflation), I thus proclaim we've created a unique light red ale that wowed the crowd with an 8 rating - on only our second batch! Holy crap!! After a furious 45 minutes of pressing flesh and slinging suds, B.M. and I were left with a Florida Gator's helmet full of pretzels, a stomach full of booze and a heart full of pride. Through our continued and shameless promoting of the EVBC name and our sweet new EVBC visors (not yet available on Cafe Press) we spread the home brew gospel in style.

I fully expected a ground swell of Facebook and Follower support here in the blogosphere...predictably I'm still waiting to reap the fruits of the seeds sown that fateful Saturday. Patience, as they say, isn't just a river in Egypt...perhaps the best birthday present I could really ask for isn't a hundred new Facebook fans or a few dozen more loyal Tastemasters to follow us here in blog-ville, but the dedication to continue honing our craft and to keep pumping out quality offerings like the Avenue A-le. Perhaps I'm best served reading more, learning more, and instead of worrying about getting fans I should worry about getting myself the skills it takes to be the best damn Brewmaster I can be.

Then again, I'd take those Facebook fans too - as the epically drunk Frank Sinatra once said, "May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine."

Una oda a burbujas

Que esta pasando, que esta pasando,

mi cerveza - destruido! Y no puedo mejorarlo...

quizas hay cosas que nosotros estamos faltando

hay tan mucho burbujas, estoy preocupado!

Widget fail!

He's probably not quite ready for the tightrope act yet.

A letter from the desk of Brewmaster Eric

Dearest Tastemasters -

We are saddened to hear that our latest attempt at keeping on the cutting edge of technology has failed. Specifically, we refer to the "Gut Instinct Homebrew" countdown timer. Despite multiple rounds of troubleshooting and HQ's best minds on the project, we simply have not been able to get the damn thing to work right. Luckily, you seem to be forgiving and understanding folks, so hopefully we'll get an E(vbc) for Effort.

Our sincerest apologies,
Brewmaster Eric

It's the final countdown!

Well, not so much final per se, but it's T-minus one week until people who aren't supportive friends and family (who will flagrantly lie to our faces to keep us smiling) will be sampling the EVBC's wares. As loyal readers and unfortunate facebook friends will have heard, Brewmaster Marshall and I are indeed allowing a couple dozen strangers into the hallowed HQ common room to check out and judge our Avenue A-le. This revolutionary, one of a kind 'light ale' should take the world by storm...so don't be surprised if you hear about how Anheuser-Busch is creating a Michelob Light Red Ale or how Sam Adams randomly decides to start making a Boston Light Ale. Wait, they already do that? Well it aint red, biiiiiitch!

In anticipation of the momentous destruction of my self esteem by self appointed beer experts such as myself, I've added a nifty beer tasting countdown clock to the right there so that you can taste the palpable tension in the air before you taste the deliciously spicy and smooth finishing red ale that B.M. and I whipped up last month. Now, I know what you're thinking, mostly because I've been told it over and over again by you dedicated Tastemasters out there - "Brewmaster Eric, your wisdom and foresight has been incredible thus far - you've anticipated a huge uptick in the popularity of home brewing while tapping into the very essence of high art through your witty posts and insanely creative ms paint masterpieces. Why, oh dear god why, are you giving away the precious brew to relative strangers when we, your friends and loved ones get nothing?"

Fear not, my taste-worthy friends, for we are saving a special 12 pack of Avenue A-le just for you! As many of you already know because of our facebook friendship, I've filled out the necessary paperwork and requisitioned EVBC HQ for my own personal birthday party just hours after the Gut Instinct tasting! If you arrive at my birthday dinner at a reasonable hour, you'll be first in line to sup 'pon delicious FritoPie and sample the soon-to-be-legendary Avenue A-le. As an added incentive, if you can get 5 of your friends to sign up as our facebook fans before next weekend (and you can prove it by telling me who they are), I'll even personally label and set aside a commemorative light red ale bottle for you to keep! Buying popularity is exactly what got me this far, so why not go a little further.

In other brewey news, my friends, the submissions for naming our beautifully fermenting Belgian Witbier closes Monday evening. We have five submissions thus far, each one funnier than the last - so keep 'em coming! Until next time, stay brewey.

Homebrewing popularity increases, EVBC bitter about not getting all the credit

"I liked Green Day before they were big." Every 8th grader in 1993.

Being trendy is a funny thing. It involves a delicate balance of broadcasting how much you like something just before every other person on the planet discovers it and then finding the next big thing just before everyone else moves on too. It's more or less how Brewmaster Marshall feels any time anyone ever talks about music...he's so attuned to the thump-beat-zeitgeist that he knew about M.I.A. when we were all 12 years old.

As with most things in life - love, baked goods and Mega Man included - timing is everything. To be a few moments too soon on the trigger could mean just grazing past Guts Man's strategically placed drop-away platforms before they full re-position themselves in a hero supporting horizontal manner. Predicting fashion trends is also demanding, although not quite as rough as hopping over Wood Man's ridiculously ineffective leaf shield (Really? A shield of leaves? CMON). Never to be as cool as B.M., I often find myself just missing the trends...prime example of course being my love of flannel shirts from 1989 - 1991, ever so narrowly jumping the shark on the grunge trend that came soon thereafter.

You live, you learn, and if you're really lucky you learn to lie about being early to the party. To wit, this typical conversation you might hear in a Williamsburg haberdashery:
Person A - "Were you in a flannel shirt yesterday?"
Person B - "Well, yeah, but I was doing it ironically."
Person C - "Nice. Let's go get oolong tea and Vietnamese sandwiches."

As devotees are well aware, the EVBC has been rockin' it for a little while now, and we're happy to say that this time we got in under the gun. That's right - your dedicated and faithful Brewmasters have been making quality booze (and quality jokes) well before NYMag started name dropping brew shops...well before NYAM let the world know that it's slightly cheaper to brew your own beer at home (if you're willing to wait a month for a six pack), and of course well before everyone claims proudly "I started brewing before it got popular." This time, kids, we have evidence! Hell, we have a Facebook fan page, which, by the way, I'm proud to say has hit 110 fans!!!! Remember, tell everyone to sign up so we can hit critical mass and thus legitimacy. The next time Thrillist posts questionably-SFW photos of a dog and a drunk college kid colliding with a Chinese gymnast, maybe they'll be linking back to a story about the East Village Brewing Company!

Finally, I feel as though I latched on to a trend on its ascent to awesomeness, and can bask full well in the knowledge that we here at EVBC HQ are prepared to exploit the pungent brewiness of the halcyon days of home brewing. The Belgian Witbier is fermenting up nicely, and we have a handful of name submissions so far! There's still time to get your entry in, so post it here or on Facebook for your chance for a private tour of the facility (my bedroom - contest far less suggestive than it sounds). In the mean time, we'll start working up a way to monetize Brew York and get tshirts all made up....

Comparison Shopping

In anticipation of Brewmaggedon 3 - Son of Brewmaggedon, which kicks off right alongside some playoff football early tomorrow afternoon, I once again made a pilgrimage out to Brooklyn to pick-up some sanitizer and grommets for the fermenting bucket to prevent unwanted beer spoilage. Like a London bound flight in the jet stream, I rode the relative manic streak I have found myself in over the past two days and made not one but two separate brew shop stops in Brooklyn (both off the dreaded weekend R train...) - first up, Brooklyn Brew Shop.

Brooklyn Brew Shop operates out of the Brooklyn Flea Market which currently finds itself housed at One Hanson Place near the Pacific Ave stop (normally used to more bucolic surroundings but for a time housed in an incredibly ornate and impressive defunct bank building due to the cold winter chill). The Brooklyn Flea Market...where throngs of bearded photogs and tshirt marketers can blow 200 bucks on disco balls and mounted deer heads alike, all while window shopping necklaces fashioned from dented Coors light bottle caps and bits of thread. It was unclear whether or not the artisans themselves were selling these items ironically, but the gravely intensity of the refurbished clock/pocket watch shop-keep strongly suggested that at least he believed in his craft and was not simply pandering to the hipsterati.

I made my way downstairs to the vault, still a bit more "Cask of Amontillado" than I might have hoped, and the first table on the right was the Brooklyn Home Brew setup. Forced to wait on line behind nine or so fresh-to-the-scene kit brewers I grew impatient...we here at the EVBC mean business, and I didn't intend to piss away my Saturday afternoon listening to a mini-orchestra of noobs buying equipment we already possessed. Sadly, my very purpose in visiting was thwarted when I was told they had done run out of sanitizer...so it was back to the R train to discover points more Brooklyn-er.

After winding my way down to 56th street, I once again walked into the doors of Brooklyn Homebrew - their last day at the old shop before moving to finer digs on 8th street, a mere hop and skip from sunny EVBC HQ. While the Brooklyn Brew Shop is a great way to get an intro to brewing, true Brewthusiasts need to hit up this all-in-one shop for friendly advice and a full range of available equipment once you move past the beginning stages of brewmastery. I got the supplies and some extremely useful brewing advice (for instance, how to brew the grains the proper way...not that stupid way we've BEEN doing it). B.M. and I are all set to start in on round three - a deliciously hoppy Belgian White Ale, as of yet unnamed.

Feel free to get interactive and suggest some names!! If we pick yours as the best, a free EVBC HQ tour, a home-ordered pizza dinner and a 'meet and greet' with the Brewmasters themselves shall be your prize!!

2 Legit 2 Kit-Brew

"The dreams that I have in store in my mind and I know
That I'm makin it I gotta get mine and nobody's takin it away"
MC Hammer

Thanks to the internet savviness and marketing spirit of our very own Brewmaster Marshall, the EVBC will be presently signing up to *gasp* HOST a stop on a homebrew tasting tour!! This is no joke people, on January 23, EVBC HQ will be opening its doors to 20 or so brewthusiasts organized by the good folks over at the blog Gut Instinct.

What does this mean for us Brewmasters? Well, it's a chance to roll out the Avenue A-le (sampled by myself and B.M. last night...it's quite tasty) and to get some hopefully positive feedback from other Brewmasters about town.

What does this mean for you Tastemasters? Fame! Fortune! Funsies! Cause you, dear friends, were on board the EVBC train as it initially pulled out of the station, you'll always be first in line for all the cool stuff we do going forward. Don't worry, even though we're giving some of our precious brew away to strangers, who despite our parents wishes we're inviting openly into our homes (because they've promised us cash), we plan on stashing a bit in a safe place for all your tasting desires.

Wish us luck, and check out the Gut Instinct antics as well to find out a lot more about some sweet craft beers and future brew-tours!