National Homebrewers Day 2010!

That's right, as part of National Homebrewers Day 2010, home brewers around the country will be setting up massive brew-ins the likes of which you've never seen before! Check out the various fun activites like this Big Brew fundraiser out in Greenpoint!!

Happy weekend, tastemasters!

Poppin' Floats Party Contemplated, Deemed Delicious

Brewmaster Eric sports a similar look when he gets Stogo in his beard.

That's right, tastemasters - the EVBC has finally come to the delicious conclusion that we need to host another poppin' bottles party. Brewmaster Marshall can't get enough of the buzz on our E. Vil. Empire stout floats, and with the imminent completion of our chocolate stout we're gearing up for a dessert party of epic proportions. Months of preparations and near failures have led us to this delectable moment and we want you all there - tentative diabetes inducing sugar rush date - May 1415 or May 21/22!

Yes friends, it's been far too long since we spent weeks upon weeks perfecting and creating our brews only to give them away in a vain effort to purchase your fan loyalty. I credit our facebook fanpage's failure to explosively grow in popularity due to the fact that we (1) aren't really much of a brewery and (2) fail to actually put products into the market stream. Well that shit changes today. Well, in two weeks. Ok more like two and a half weeks... but the point is, we're gettin fuschnookered on ice cream floats, and so are you!

Cookies? We'll have em. Lactose free options? You know it. Fritos? Damn skippy, cause I got like 60 bags left over from my birthday party (esoterically misguided in its humour but perfectly divine in its execution). Good friends? Well that's where you guys come in. Of course we'll have further updates as the date approaches, but keep your calendars open. I'm thinking we overload on sweets then try to go start fights at a local dive bar. Nothin says badass like a stout float stache.

Beware the lager lorry!

Apologies, fair brewmasters - HQ is swamped today but we didn't want to leave you without some brewy updates for your weekends enjoyment. Tonight Brewmaster Marshall and I will be bottling up the deliciously unnamed chocolate stout, and in a mere two weeks time it'll be ready for public consumption! hopefully by mid to late May we'll put on a nice beer tastin' shindig with a dessert theme to complete our ice cream floats and chocolate stout treats.

In other news, I came across this incredibly simple breakdown of the brewing process from grains to kegs....mostly I just wanted to introduce the term 'lager lorry' into your collective consciousness so when I refer to it going forward you'll know what the hell I mean.

Bon weekend!

Brewers Cavort, Rejoice

After months of failed attempts to re-jigger my schedule, I FINALLY made it to my first New York City Homebrewers Guild meeting last night! Every month, the NYCHG (see, everyone likes acronyms!) sets up shop at Burp Castle in the East Village to share some homebrews, learn about what's hot in the world of brewing, and apparently order in more french fries than I've ever seen at a non-Wendy's establishment. I showed up a bit late but was still there in time to meet with the head brewer of Bronx Brewery, most of the E-board of the NYCHG, and even was able to snag a taste of a rosemary amber ale (also available in marsala on special, $14.99, comes with two sides and your choice of salad or soup).

For my first foray into the niche world of NYC based homebrewing, I got over my butterflies and started making friends - dude, these guys know their shit. They are NOT screwing around. The majority of people I talked to have been brewing for about 8 years (something happened to the NYC bearded crafty types in 2002 apparently that forced everyone to start brewing that year), and there were even a few noobs like myself. Honestly, tastemasters, I was pretty happy with how well I was able to hang in their convos without sounding like an idiot. Hell I even got to talkin with two guys about opening up a brewery of my own, making sure to pay careful attention to their experiences in the hopes of finding success on my own down the line.

Albeit a brief dip into a deep pool of knowledge, friendliness and booze, I had me a good time at the meeting. Next month I'll be visiting again for Mead Madness Month, wherein apparently there will be SEVEN types of mead for the tasting. Any of you tastemasters who wish to come along, we can swing by HQ for some E. Vil. Empire stout floats and get our mead on!

To eat, perchance ice cream...

In another dumb luck maneuver, Brewmaster Marshall and I have once again stumbled into genius. Due to some incomplete instructing from the good people who sold us our E. Vil. Empire Imperial Stout kit, we failed to turn enough sugar into booze to create a truly high gravity imperial stout. However, we succeeded in creating a sucralicious dessert beer that will pucker the puss of even the sweetest toothed sugar addict.

Yesterday we took it to the limit.

When given the choice between one of three delicious Harpoon ales and our sickly sweet stout, B.M. opted surprisingly for the E. Vil. Empire...but then he blew my world to shreds by inquiring softly, "you guys have any ice cream?" Yes, Brewmaster Marshall... yes we do... we also have a pint size tub of dreams and creativity in the freezer waiting to be un-shrinkwrapped (NEVER eat a tub of dreams and creativity unless you get it shrink wrapped. some sicko might have messed with it). A delicate pint glass pour and two scoops of cherry garcia later, we had dessert success. Now, being a "lactard", as they say, I was unable to participate in the gluttony, but two independant dessert auditors rubber stamped the project and we're rollin' this fucker out at all due speed.

Yessir, we invented light red ale, and now we're taking beer floats to the upper echelon of deliciousness. You're welcome, tastemasters. Next time you're hanging around the East Village, come stop by EVBC HQ for a sample treat. All official tastemasters get a "don't abuse this but have some free shit" privilege until we monetize this bad boy, so don't dilly dally. I have dreamed a dream, tastemasters...now that dream is beer floats.

At yeast I tried...

"Who knows most, speaks yeast." Adapted Spanish Proverb

If you haven't figured it out yet, the theme of this piece is yeast. Yeast is the eukaryotic master stroke given to us from the lord on high to allow ucky sugar to be turned into delicious booze. Liquor, vino, mead, beer, sake - whatever type of sugar bucket you have, we add some yeast in there and sooner or later my friend we got ourselves a party. There's a reason people used to call it "Godisgood" before changing the name to something far less appetizing.

As any diligent homebrewer knows, yeast management is key. You can carefully balance out your grain bill, picking exactly the right amount of pale ale malt to balance out that handful of dark crystal (not to be confused with Dark Crystal, which to this dare scares the living bejesus out of me). You can choose all the right hops, and make sure your fermenter is clean and ready to go. Then you can wait a few weeks, and if you handled the yeast wrong you'll realize that you're still looking at a big bucket of sugar. April fool's jackhole, you failed to make beer!

If you're a knowledgeable brewmaster, you'd know that you simply need to pitch some more yeast, fix the temperature and you'll be on your way to finishing that conversion to delicious, delicious booze. If you're me, however, you'll instead decide "must be done... better bottle it" and end up with the sickliest sweet imperial stout you've ever had.

But good news, tastemasters! In the same vein as our amazingly innovate Light Red Lager (borne of misguided temperature muddling), Brewmaster Marshall and I have invented a delicious desert stout! It's extra sweet to help soften the bite of your flourless chocolate cake. It's super smooth to help calm your tummy after you just had to have that extra slice of bacon. And best of all, we're giving it away at rock bottom prices! Freesies!! Frankly we need to requisition the bottles for future endeavors, so get your hands on it now before its too late, cause now that we've branded it as a custom made desert beer, you're gonna see if fly off the shelves like a Tickle-me-Elmo themed Cabbage Patch kid.

The lesson here? God IS good for providing us with the ability to turn what is essentially a bag of honey into fizzy alcoholic goodness, but it also takes a bit of care on the part of the brewmaster to know how MUCH god we need in the machine. Remember, future brewmasters - yeast is your friend, and when in doubt, add a couple hundred million extra friends into the brew to make sure you get all the booze you desire.

What's in a name?

"That which we call a pale ale by any other name should still have strong aroma hops with citrus-filled notes derived from heavy Cascade hopping late added to the wert boil." Shakespeare

Fine, it's a paraphrase, but I guarantee you one bajillion percent that if ol' Billy was alive today, he would've been as enamored with home brewing as he was with people killing themselves for dramatic effect. Lord knows I am. And while his above adapted 'rose' soliloquy applied to beer judging then the world would be a very simple place indeed.

Sadly, Bill was not to my knowledge a homebrewer, and you really should know your beer name. Yesterday I started reviewing what materials I'll need for my upcoming BJCP beer judge certification exam in September. Turns out...it's a lot. My spirit was uplifted to learn that the exam is very rigidly structured, so you'll know exactly what types of questions will be asked of you at every turn. My spirit was then dashed against the rocks, and my heart made to feel all the worse for having been lifted so high before falling so far to my sudsy demise, when I then opened the "beer styles" pdf and realized it was 80 pages long. I need to learn 80 fucking STYLES - that's not even to say of the hundreds of commercial examples I will need to be able to categorize into these styles, the various chemical and physical properties of each style, and the ability to correctly and blindly taste test and identify the aroma, appearance, flavor and mouthfeel of each beer!

Ignoring for now the obvious punnery that can arise out of the term "mouthfeel", I gotta admit I'm a little frightened. While participating in a ridiculously victorious trivia effort yesterday (wherein we lapped the competition, leading all teams and winning by a 130 point margin), I walked up to the bar to order a pitcher for my teammates and I saw a dozen or so tap handles staring me in the face, all screeching out "na-na-na-na boo boo, you don't know what we aaaaare". They were right! I had no clue what these beers were, let alone how they should taste or how I could possibly judge them. I panicked and nearly ordered Miller Lite, but I pushed on and made my way down the bar to figure out what I wanted. Prohibition Ale? I mean, I knew I could order that and satisfy the needs of my drinking partners, but I wanted to look important and knowledgeable. I failed to be either however when I snagged the random IPA at the end of the bar simply because the tap had a label that said "IPA" and I was afraid to guess as to what I might get otherwise.

Sure, the IPA was tasty...but as I sat there sipping and trying to figure out what sort of criteria upon which I could judge this tasty pint, I realized that I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. Better hit the books! I'll be downloading PDFs all night and trying desperately to find a local study course for this thing... cause kids, right now, I'm in a nice position to fail spectacularly.
When it comes time for the essays, if I really find myself in a pinch I suppose I can start quoting Shakespeare randomly and push for the "by any other name" angle. Something tells me they won't buy it.

Liquid Lunch

"Work is the curse of the drinking class." Oscar Wilde

I know how you feel. Monday. Feh. Just two sleepless nights ago you were out partying with your friends, enjoying your favorite East Village Brewing Company ales and stouts, and claiming the night as your own as if you hadn't a care in the world.

Then it was Monday again. Back to the puppy mill, drone!! Or perhaps not... it's been a slow day at work. You don't think anything big will come up for the afternoon, and you're at your favorite midtown eatery taking a rare "non-desk day" for lunch when you spy the row of beer bottles behind the sandwich counter and think to yourself "man that would hit the spot."

But somewhere along the way that lunchtime beer got on the bad side of decorum. The calorie counters among us don't have much say in the matter, as plenty of the corporate elite still slam down glass after glass of equally as caloric iced tea with their overpriced butternut squash raviolini. I suppose the Mad Men inspired forty-three martini lunchers are still in the sweet spot of pop culture rubber stamping that g&t at 1230 when out with some co-workers, so we're losing some ground with that crowd. But why must the brewthusiast be forced to hide his strong desire for an IPA with his pastrami on rye? Doth not an amber ale make sense with that Dos Caminos guacamole sampler?

Lucky for you white collar worker bees out there, it seems like the tide is changing. Maybe it hasn't hit the stuffed shirt world of middle management yet but beer is getting classier by the minute. Craft and micro offerings that actually hold up on their own, warrant beer tasting classes and that can even be paired with shmancy 'client's picking up the tab' crab-cake-n-steak repast are no longer the stuff of legends. Once the EVBC starts mass producing our wares as well, I think the die shall be cast and beer embraced as the glorious centerpiece of the mid-day meal it should be. No longer shall the Thomas Pink wearing masses be forced to duck in and out of divey Irish bars on Weekday afternoons, popping four pieces of Dentyne Fire on the way out the door to cover up the Guinessy aftermath of their hallowed lunchtime tradition!

But my friends, for now it's but a dream. But believing in your dreams, like a well-placed lunchtime brew, should always be a good decision.

"Hey, you're a beer guy, right?"

"Information is not knowledge." Albert Einstein

Expertise, be it perceived, feigned or actual/factual, can certainly put one in a precarious position. When it seems like you know a lot about a subject, or have some kind of qualifications suggesting to the world that you SHOULD know a lot about a subject, people tend to test you on that knowledge on a regular basis. Medical practitioners get "heydoc'd" all the time - "hey doc, my knee hurts, think anythings wrong with it? hey doc, my back hurts, what kind of stretches should I do? hey doc, wanna check out this rash for me - we should go to my room though, I gotta take off a few layers for you to see it." Lawyers get a myriad of legal questions to which they nearly always respond "I don't practice that kind of law" or "you should speak to a real lawyer", somehow using self-deprication as a shield against the frigthening truth that law school teaches you jack shit.

We brewmasters feel a similar pain. Once you endeavor down the path of making beer, as opposing to solely consuming it, an assumed degree of actual knowledge is imparted to you in a way that people like to test. They aren't trying to blow up your spot or make you feel silly, quite the opposite in fact - they genuinely want to know what you think. "Brewmaster," they'll say, "you're so smart and handsome. You create such fine brew that just thinking about your soon to be released and as of yet unnamed chocolate stout, my toes tingle with excitement."

Thanks, I'll respond.

"But Brewmaster," you'll continue, "what makes stout different than the red ale?"

Uh oh. Time to test that brew-q, mr. fancy pants. Do you say its the grains? The yeast? The whole process? Or do you be a weisenheimer and say something like "stout starts with an s!" Well I'll tell you what, we don't like word play here at the EVBC, so mind your p's and q's.

The real difference between being able to spit back the facts of how the two beers differ and really knowing the differences comes with time and experience...and those cannot be easily bought like so many extract kits. Nay, like a deliciously low-alpha-acid hopped beer with the perfect balance of malt to spice, really knowing what you're talking about takes time, repition, and in this case, drinking. Much like the hops in our tasty brews, this type of knowledge is the most noble. Your faithful Brewmaster Eric is still endeavoring to get himself signed up to become a BJCP certified beer judge, so in the future he can answer your questions with some serious knowledge, and not just some information he's picked up along the way.

You know the true upside about a brewmaster's knowledge is that you can always go back to the "its a pretty solid beer" argument for nearly anything. Doctor's sure as hell can't say "that's a pretty solid knee injury" and have that be the end of the inquiry. Lawyers probably shouldn't say "that's a pretty solid perjury you did there" without expecting to get in trouble. Yessir, this brewmastery thing sure has its perks. Drink in the knowledge my friends, lord knows I will.