Please don't bother listening closely, our menu options are exactly the same

There's nothing like a really solid cold to turn you into a fucking child. Sure, you can put on your suit and fancy shoes and take the big boy bus to your grown up job everyday, but you get a sniffle and a touch of flu and you'll be begging for soup and your mama so fast your graduate degree will spin. Between hand-maid-bell-service and half-seeing The Price Is Right through a foggy Comtrex induced haze, I remember that my junior high sick days really set the bar pretty high. Something about waking up at 1030 and pounding a few glasses of OJ before falling face first into a pile of fresh laundry (thus ruining said laundry with my germ-coodies) really made me feel like being sick wasn't half bad.

Nowadays, there's no fresh laundry - I send that out to the place across the street anyway.
There's no hand-maid-bell-service - unless you count having to buzz in the delivery guy with my $20 dollar Kleenex and Campbell's Soup order.
Worst of all, there's no Price Is Right - I mean, Drew Carey's doing his best, god bless 'em, but he's no Bob Barker.

All I'm left with instead is the all powerful leveling truth that being sick sucks. I'm not that bad off that I can justify cashing out 7 or 8 of my "personal days" hours at work, and since I don't yet run my own brewery I'm forced to clip-clop my way to the subway and into the office. A few Dayquil and some memo typing later though, at least I can run home to my delicious East Village Brewing Company favorites... right? Wait, you aren't supposed to drink when you're sick?

Sigh... oh well... I guess it's for the best. I mean, Brewmaster Marshall and I DID just finish brewing our next soon-to-be-fan favorite just this past weekend. Hell it's gonna be nearly a month before it's ready for you tastemasters to crack open and love. So, I'll rest up while that delicious booze making fermentation takes place. I'll drift off to sleep tonight dreaming of our double-digitly alcoholic Imperial Stout. I'll pitch over tomorrow at my desk wishing I could have myself some cheese and and cracker compliments to a tall glass of ale. And, more than likely, I'll pass out on a stranger on the 4 train wishing I could watch some Barker-run Price is Right with my favorite new Stout.

Guess I'll have to wait. For now... no drinking, no laundry naps and back to whining like a child...

Brewing perfection, now available in extra-awesome sizes

"You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else." Albert Einstein

Good 'ol AlbEin knew what he was talking about. You can't just figure out the system if you want to run with the big boys, you have to reinvent the whole damn thing. Guess what, tastemasters - we did it.

Suuuure, you're skeptical that on only our third attempt, Brewmaster Marshall and I achieved taste mastery. Suuuure, you're doubting that we'd be able to pull off what could only be described as a perfect marriage of taste and texture. I bet you think the moon landing isn't real either. Don't be such a doubting Thomas! And just because we don't actually have more than one of these precious First Street Wheat's left, obviating any chance the skeptics have to be proven wrong, doesn't mean it wasn't real.

Poppin' Bottles Two was a smashing success, driven primarily by some awesome guest cameos from first time and repeat EVBC-offenders alike, and it was solidified by the excellent presentation of the First Street Wheat. Now that we've redefined what it means to be a home brewer, what next?

Well, we gotta do it again. And again. And again and again and again!!! With all types of beers!!! Now that we know the rules, the only thing left is to continue kicking ass and faking names (of beers). Thanks to all who made it out, we look forward to next month and next brew, a heady imperial stout with a meager 10.5% alcohol.

Buckle up, buttercup.

Poppin' Bottles 2: Lost in New York

Poppin' Bottles is BACK with a new batch. This Saturday Brewmasters Marshall and Eric want you to join us for the poppin' of First Street Wheat - our Belgian Witte Ale. Party kicks off at 9 pm at the EVBC brewing HQ. As always, in order to partake in our delicious brew, we kindly ask you bring a brew, wine, or liquor of your own choice. We will provide some snackage, but you're more than welcome to supply your own delicious concoctions as well.  RSVP here.

See you on Saturday! The Brewmasters salute you!!!

Field Trips!

"Chuck Noblet: And remember, I need the permission slips for this weeks trip to Good Time Island.
Girl Student: Wheres *your* permission slip?
Chuck Noblet: SHUT YOUR DIRTY LITTLE MOUTH."

Don't worry, Tastemasters and Tastemistresses, we here at the East Village Brewing Company have a strict "no parental permission" policy. Besides, as grown-ass men and women of the world, you clearly know what's good for you and what isn't. You are masters of your own destiny, able to pick and choose the things that are healthy for you and avoid those that are not.

Right?

Screw it, we don't avoid shit when we're chillin chillin at HQ. And it's that "what doesn't kill me eventually gives me cancer" attitude that takes us on our soon-to-be-famous road trips of boozy exploration!!

Aided by Tastemaster General Michael and Grand Tastemistress Robyn, Brewmaster Eric has spent the last couple of weekends learning more about the industry of alcohol. First up, Tuthilltown Distillery! Famous for being the first distillery in New York since Prohibition and championing the cause of small-batch whiskeys a mere two hours from the Big Apple, Tuthilltown is truly a family company that pumps out ridiculously high quality booze for brown liquor aficionados. On our visit, TG Michael and I went on a guided tour of the entire facility, which amazingly is housed in an old grist mill in upstate New York. First stop - the barrel room, where hundreds upon hundreds of gallons of freshly charred American white oak barrels lay stacked across the room like so many gold coins in Scrooge McDucks vault filled with deliciously aging bourbon (made just fifty feet away). Our hands-on tour of the distillery was expertly guided, and even involved me getting to stick my head into a filling tank of custom made Blanche-style absinthe and nearly pitching over in joy (and from the fumes). All in all, I got try out all of their wares - I strongly encourage you to get the Baby Bourbon - and even walked away with my very own 5 gallon bourbon barrel so me and B.M. can make us some barrel-aged beer!!

Next up was the Harpoon Brewery in Windsor, VT. Although they weren't running tours when we arrived, GT Robyn smiled our way into the back room and we got a private tour of the entire operation! Amazingly, the only difference between how the pro's do it up in Windsor and how we do it here at HQ is the size of the operation. And as we all know, size matters when it comes to brewing. I wondered about the brew kettle, marveled at the sights and smells of the fermenting tanks and day-dreamed about going all Laverne and Shirley on the bottling machine. My heart pitter-pattered as I stomped about the largest fucking beer storage room I've ever been in - thousands of pallets of tasty tasty beer just WAITING to get sold to uppity Northeastern grads in hoodies. I snagged a growler of their Harpoon Munich Dark and tittered with the crew about how fantastic [spoiler alert] the secret new Belgian beer [spoiler alert] they're about to unleash upon the world shall be.

Oh, did I mention that if you're an employee of Harpoon at the Windsor location, they let you make up your own recipes and they'll fucking BREW IT FOR YOU? Yes kids, it was a whirlwind field trip for dear old Brewmaster Eric. My adventure to Good Time Island was a success, and we didn't even lose any kids on the field trip!

Brewy Valentines!

Hello out there tastemasters,
you know just where it's at,
you love the EVBC,
so we made you up this hat!

With MS Painted head shots,
of your favorite brewin' dudes,
so you can show your fandom,
and help us spread the news!

For now a Happy Valentine's,
and a 'see you soon',
because my friends this weekend,
will be Poppin Bottles 2!!!!

(details forthcoming in lazily distributed facebook invites!)

A cheap distraction from your work day

courtesy of www.epicportions.com

As a result of Brewmaster Eric acquiring a large amount of 'real life' work in the past two days but still wishing to entertain and delight, please enjoy this handy dandy guide to eating food off the floor. If you're my illustrious roommate Alex "Two Step" Trepp, however, the rule is 100% "eat it", apparently.

UNLEASH THE BREW-RY!!

Tom never really understood the 'soft sell'.

Momentous days, friends, momentous days! Brewmaster Eric finds himself (albeit extremely briefly) unemployed, and during his much deserved two days off he plans on exploring his brewing career options...until 9am Monday morning when he has to go back to reality, that is.

Why the sudden drive to monetize the EVBC? Can it be that the sudsy zeitgeist of the East Village brewthusiast scene has moved him to chase down ultimate happiness at the helm of a brew pot? The short answer of course is yes, but as those of you who know Brewmaster Eric, with him there are no short answers.

Last night the lovely and talented Shwa Losben (pictured here doing god knows what to his guitar) invited me to meet and greet with the Brooklyn based micro-finance wunderkind over at Kickstarter.com. The idea behind Kickstarter is simple - you have a cool idea, but you don't have money. Out there, there's a whole internet worth of people who have money, but they don't necessarily have a cool idea....Kickstarter helps connect the dots! I was able to blend in with the varied and sundry artists and businessy types that dwelled within the hallowed halls of Kickstarter's hip LES office space (replete with ping pong table and back patio area that would clearly provide ample cigarette break space but with little privacy, thus forcing one to choose between nicotine and acceptance), and after a while I got nice and comfortable with the idea of talking up the East Village Brewing Company as my little pet project.

How would I monetize this precious start-up? Well, that part was tricky, so we mostly talked about other people. I met some teachers, some farmers, some staffers, some idea men, a few guys putting on a film festival and hell I even met a guy who's making local salsa available in your grocer's aisle come this summer. Everyone was great, and I left the party amped up to get my shit in order and move the EVBC to the next level. Hard part now is just figuring out what that is...I figure I can shoot for some kind of over-wrought Waynestock type story line that involves me breathing in some bad hops and speaking to the ghost of Dylan Thomas whilst attempting to win the love of an actress whose career has inexplicably survived well beyond its natural course (you think we can get Tiffany Amber Thiessen?). Sure the plot line is mostly slapped together samples of other movies and jokes that have been recycled from a one-trick-pony SNL skit long since past its prime, but goddammit if you're only 12 you don't KNOW that yet! The point is, I plan on sitting down this weekend wearing my see through green visor with some adding machines and a sketch pad, and hopefully it'll all come up roses.

To that end, Brewmaster Marshall and I have put in the next order for our next super-alcoholic offering: E-Vil Empire Imperial Stout. At a whopping 9-10% alcohol by volume, you won't know whether to hug us or puke. We only ask you don't do both at the same time. The 1st Street Wheat's coming along nicely, and whispers by the water cooler hint that there's talks of doubling our production rate in the near future. Time to take this show on the road! Time to get the EVBC out there! Time to unleash the brewery!

Cold-filtered Charity

"You must love this country more than I love a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning." Homer Simpson

It's true, I do love this country. Everyone here at the East Village Brewing Company does - we're patriotic folk. We love football, frito pie, and stealing couches from the quad when we think no one's looking but then realizing they belong to the hockey guys down the hall so throwing it out the window so they don't know it was you who stole it. 'Cause that's the American way, god damn it.

If you listen to the good people over at the Coors Brewing Company, we Americans also like cold beer. The colder the better I say! Hell, if you could run a dog sled team mushed by the abominable snowman straight to the iciest depths of Valhalla and steal a keg of silver bullets away from the Wampa that guards the ice-lined vault from which all Coors Light flows, I'll pull on my favorite pair of Freakie Freezies and toast to the yeti king himself for my frozen bounty.

But there's something I don't like...and it stinks worse than yesterday's wert...and that's children dying without getting their last wish. I say nuts to that! That's why Brewmaster Eric is proudly declaring his support for his good friend and Tastemaster Extraordinare Alex "Two-Step" Trepp's campaign to raise $1,500 dollars for the Make-A-Wish foundation by plunging himself into the Long Island Sound with some other genital-shriveling daredevils this coming Sunday.

As you sit down to watch the Superbowl, you'll probably raise a frosty cold beer glass to your lips, take a sip and think "aaaah... thanks yeti king, thank you for loosing free this delicious icy treat." As lowers your glass back to the table (onto a coaster please, you weren't raised in a fucking barn), so too will Alex lower himself gently into the briney deep, praying that all his extremeties survive the ordeal. If you'd like to toss some patronage his way, please feel free to show some Polar Bear Pride by clicking below:

Cold-Filtered Charity starring Alex Trepp

Thanks all - one of the main tenants of the EVBC charter is giving back, and as your humble Brewmaster I thank everyone for checking out the link to help out my boy Alex here.

Bottlin' time - a poem

A poem to hum for bottling day:

Bottle bottle, sanitize, bottle bottle, stack
Clean out the auto siphon and then have yourself a snack
Start the water boiling and dump in the sugar pack, oh!
bottle bottle bottle time yes now you've got the knack!

Bottlin bottlin bucket, clean it out and put it back
add the water/sugar mix (pray the bucket don't crack)
siphon in the brewy mix and give the fermenter a smack, oh!
bottle bottle bottle time yes now you've got the knack!

Bottle bottle tubin time, open up the rack
If your friend spills off some booze don't give him any flack
Box up the capped off bottles and for drinkin' you're on track, OH!
bottle bottle bottle time yes two weeks until we crack, EM!
bottle bottle bottle time yes tap em with a clack, OH!
bottle bottle bottle time yes now you've got the knack!