Congress declares B-Day 2009 National Holiday, Brewmaster Eric immediately puts on gym shorts and opens beer

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.” Richard Bach

EVBC faithful, yea, though we brew through the valley of the shadow of over-priming, I will fear no yeast, for my Tastemasters are with me. My secondary fermenter and fermtech autosiphon, they comfort you.

FINALLY! As foretold by the prophecies (read: previous blog posts), B-day is upon us. Now, per the countless throngs of brew-thirsty brew-menites who have asked if Brewmasters Marshall and Eric will be bringing their post-apocalyptic suds to various Halloween shindigs this upcoming weekend, the Brewmasters sadly must deny your prayers. Not for lack of care, friends, nay...but for lack of beer! Today darlings is indeed Brewmaggedon - the destruction of various malts, hops and potentially digital cameras should Brewmaster Eric get too close to the wort, but one must take a larger view. The Brewmaster knows that once the process is begun...iiiiiit'll actually be about six weeks before you loyal Tastemasters get any beer...but soon you will learn to stop worrying and love the brew!

Hear me out on this before you rush off to the package store, screaming "Betrayal! A pox on your mash tun!", remember that we're in this together my friends! Along the way you'll be rewarded for follow-ship with membership in the brew-minati, physical wealth (I'm quite close to having buttons all made up) and of course, first crack at the Stuy Town Brown Ale in just a few short weeks. Remember why this journey began...Brewmaggon is the casting off of the mass brew shackles!

We brew-thusiasts can no longer sit back and allow mass brew infiltration, mass brew indoctrination, mass brew subversion and the international mass brew conspiracy to sap and impurity all of our precious bodily fluids. Maybe it's the buckets and buckets of Stuytown-puddle-collected rain water talking here, but I think this first batch might be the best batch of beer ever. B.M. and I have planned to meet in a few short minutes to set up shop, get a delicious egg sandwich, then begin some good ol' fashioned morning drinking while getting the first run of EVBC's Stuy Town Brown Ale started! Rejoice!

Countdown to BREWMAGGEDON

"The East Village Brewing Company Funding Bill is passed. The system goes on-line October 30, 2009. Human decisions are removed by excessive alcohol content. EVBC begins to learn at a geometric rate. Brewmasters Marshall and Eric become excessively inebriated at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, October 31. In a panic, they try to pull the trigger."

In an auspicious time, in a cruel world, two Brewmasters have to risk everything in order to create the ale that could save humanity. Against impossible odds (read: delays due to slow-going ground shipping) B.M. and I have finally gotten our hands on the brew kit capable of destroying the world...or at the very least our livers. "Brewmaster Eric," you begrudgingly shout, knuckles white in disbelief as you clutch your precious store bought slop in your trembling paw, "isn't it far more likely that your brew kit won't destroy the world? I mean, its exciting and this so-called EVBC-fever seems pretty real to you, but c'mon..."

To paraphrase Linda Hamilton, "on October 30, 2009, it's gonna feel pretty fucking real to you too. Anybody not wearing heat resistant oven mitts and a "Kiss the Brewmaster" apron is gonna have a real bad day. Get it?"

We here at the EVBC are shaking uncontrollably from excitement over Brewing Day 2009. The innaugural batch of Stuy Town Brown Ale hits the burner this Friday, October 30, at approximately 2pm. We've watched the instructional videos on HomeBrewers.com, I've set aside my special brewing shirt, and we've already decided to get fucking plastered on a week day and boil us some hops. Sadly our accounting department informed me that we weren't able to get the visor funds pushed though in time for B-Day '09. Fear not, fellow brew-thusiasts, for I have a pretty well worn KU visor, four pages of yellow construction paper, safety scissors, some broken crayons I stole from Friendly's, three safety pins and a dream...arts and crafts are fun!!!

This dream, Tastemasters and Tastemistresses, is ours! The time to resist our slavish allegiance to the store brew machine is now! Brewmaggedon is nigh! As we lower the last of the hops into the stewing mess, burning white-hot in our fancy new 20 gallon vat, and tears of joy roll down our cheeks as it raises its powerful right hand, squeezing out an all-too-human thumbs up as it meets its fate, we remember that B-Day '09 is really just the beginning. A brave new world, my friends, with such great beer in it.

Hasta la B-Day, baby.

EVBC-fever...you're part of it!

Greetings, East Village Brewing Company faithful! I'm happy to provide a status report on how things are looking here at EVBC Headquarters...EVBCHQ for short.

1. EVBC-fever - Sure, it's only been a week and change since EVBC shook off its pucky afterbirth and stretched it its new legs, eager to both explore the world around it and to understand what the fuck just happened (like waking up drunk on a strange couch with a Min-Pin aggressively chewing on your shoes nearby), but by golly we have hit the ground running! The home brewing kit has been ordered and we expect delivery within the week. What's more, Brewmaster Eric has already started shopping for totally sweet "EVBC Brewmaster" visors for himself and Brewmaster Marshall. The good news? They're wicked cheap! The bad news? Brewmaster Eric's skills with photoshop are lacking (read: nonexistent. see above for example) so our prototype visors will be pretty straightforward.

2. You're part of it! - "Brewmaster Eric," you quizzically interject, "how does designing one stupid visor for you and B.M. mean EVBC-fever has taken the world by storm?" GLAD you asked! Here at the EVBC, we think that to truly "catch the spirit" you should be a part of the team! That's why EVBCHQ rubber-stamped us deputizing each and every EVBC follower an official EVBC TASTEMASTER!

Of course, normally each Tastemaster appointment starts off in a three month 'provisional status' period during which we evaluate your dedication to the team and overall commitment to the cause, but because Brewmaster Marshall and I are high on EVBC-fever (and possibly glue fumes, completely unrelated to the brewing process I promise you), we're allowing for a waiver of provisional status for the first 20 brew-thusiasts who sign up to follow our blog! That's right, official TASTEMASTER status without the wait!

Aside from world peace, a sail boat filled with jelly beans, and possibly a sass-mouth talking pot-belly pig that serves up attitude while reminding us all that we're beautiful on the inside, this is every single man and woman's dream come true. Congratulations to our first group of Tastemasters! Should the mood strike you, please feel free to comment on the post with your new official Tastemaster handles (I'm looking at you, Tastemaster Purvi...I know you're brimming with excitement).

3. What's on deck - B.M. and I have plans to have a board meeting this evening at a local brew-pub to brainstorm some ideas for what's next. EVBC merch? New lines of delicious home brew beers? A drunken hug at the end of the night that results in one or more of your favorite Brewmasters thinking "this feels right" but then drowning his confusion in late night pizza eating? THE SKY'S THE LIMIT!

Until next time, true believers - toss out your chicken soup, forsake your Z-packs, and fuck getting extra rest...the only cure for EVBC-fever is being part of the pandemonium!

(for legal purposes, by reading this post you have disclaimed any liability for injuries sustained as a result of EVBC-fever)

Step by step, oooh bay-bay!

Step 1:  Order brewing kit.  CHECK!

Ordered the "Beer Making Plus Kit with Secondary Fermenter."  The secondary fermenter is supposed to help with the clarity of the beer - removes most of the sediment.  We went with a nut brown ale recipe, so our first batch is going to be called Stuy Town Brown Ale.  Should arrive in the next day or two.

Step 2:  Get Excited.  CHECK!

Beginnings

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." Lao Tzu

Indeed, Brewmaster Marshall and I found ourselves on the same page yesterday evening, having both recently flirted with the idea of undertaking a home brewing hobby. Unbeknownst to me until later that same evening, my younger brother, generally concerned with my lack of direction in life and ever the more "together" one of us, had concluded with his fiance that I am in fact well suited for a career in brew-mastery. A well timed "check out this link" message from Brewmaster M (don't call him B.M. for short, he hates that) sparked a fervent discussion amongst us newly minted brew-thusiasts and off we went!

Thus began the great journey of the East Village Brewing Company!

In auspicious times such as these, I am quite prone to over-indulgence...hence the "let's buy a keg bottling system" conversation. But I'm reminded of some ageless nuggets of wisdom that teach us all that even the grandest journeys start small...Lao Tzu's timeless contribution above, albeit oft-overquoted, can once again signpost the start of our trip down brewery lane. In order to punch up the post, I even googled some other "beginnings" quotes to make myself sound smarter. Here are some winners:

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth...not going all the way, and not starting." Buddha, although this sounds more like something I would've tried to use on Philosophy majors my Sophomore year of college to try and score.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." Seneca, but this was actually more disappointing than uplifting when it hit me that Semisonic tricked me into learning Roman history when I was just trying to rock. Clever bastards.

"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. Then end is where we start from." T.S. Elliot, although unless you're high as a kite this really doesn't make any sense. All the homebrew in the world can't fix this debacle.

I suppose for all my faux-intellectual ranting, the real challenge of this journey will be not so much discerning the meaning of beginnings, but in pushing myself to follow-through to the end. So often I find myself discussing some "great idea" with my friends but usually life ends up in the way and I get drunk and move on, looking for some other hobby to help pass the time. The simple logic that home brewing bestows upon its devotees is that in the end, if you follow-through you get drunk anyways. Finally - the kind of hobby I can get behind! B.M. and I will be setting down to purchase our home brewing kit this evening, I've even set aside some space in my room to set up the gear. We've taken the single step - now its time to go all the way. And hell, if nothing else, it sure beats stamp collecting.

Destiny

I asked Eric today if he wanted to start brewing beer with me in one of our apartments, and he said he was just looking up home brewing kits this weekend. We knew it was our destiny from that point on.

We bounced around a few ideas and came up with the idea of East Village Brewing Company or EVBC. We might get tattoos of this tomorrow, schedule depending.

But before we get the slick, matching tattoos, we're going to need to get a home brewing kit. We settled on one from Homebrewers Outpost that will service our needs for the first go at it. There was some debate as to whether we should go whole hog, and buy the kit with the keg and keep it in a kegerator. However, as delicious and tempting as that sounded, rationale prevailed, so we'll start with a small operation.

We'll keep you up to date with the process of our experiences brewing for the first time, and we hope to share our first batch with many of you in the East Village!