Countdown to BREWMAGGEDON

"The East Village Brewing Company Funding Bill is passed. The system goes on-line October 30, 2009. Human decisions are removed by excessive alcohol content. EVBC begins to learn at a geometric rate. Brewmasters Marshall and Eric become excessively inebriated at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, October 31. In a panic, they try to pull the trigger."

In an auspicious time, in a cruel world, two Brewmasters have to risk everything in order to create the ale that could save humanity. Against impossible odds (read: delays due to slow-going ground shipping) B.M. and I have finally gotten our hands on the brew kit capable of destroying the world...or at the very least our livers. "Brewmaster Eric," you begrudgingly shout, knuckles white in disbelief as you clutch your precious store bought slop in your trembling paw, "isn't it far more likely that your brew kit won't destroy the world? I mean, its exciting and this so-called EVBC-fever seems pretty real to you, but c'mon..."

To paraphrase Linda Hamilton, "on October 30, 2009, it's gonna feel pretty fucking real to you too. Anybody not wearing heat resistant oven mitts and a "Kiss the Brewmaster" apron is gonna have a real bad day. Get it?"

We here at the EVBC are shaking uncontrollably from excitement over Brewing Day 2009. The innaugural batch of Stuy Town Brown Ale hits the burner this Friday, October 30, at approximately 2pm. We've watched the instructional videos on HomeBrewers.com, I've set aside my special brewing shirt, and we've already decided to get fucking plastered on a week day and boil us some hops. Sadly our accounting department informed me that we weren't able to get the visor funds pushed though in time for B-Day '09. Fear not, fellow brew-thusiasts, for I have a pretty well worn KU visor, four pages of yellow construction paper, safety scissors, some broken crayons I stole from Friendly's, three safety pins and a dream...arts and crafts are fun!!!

This dream, Tastemasters and Tastemistresses, is ours! The time to resist our slavish allegiance to the store brew machine is now! Brewmaggedon is nigh! As we lower the last of the hops into the stewing mess, burning white-hot in our fancy new 20 gallon vat, and tears of joy roll down our cheeks as it raises its powerful right hand, squeezing out an all-too-human thumbs up as it meets its fate, we remember that B-Day '09 is really just the beginning. A brave new world, my friends, with such great beer in it.

Hasta la B-Day, baby.