It's the final countdown!

Well, not so much final per se, but it's T-minus one week until people who aren't supportive friends and family (who will flagrantly lie to our faces to keep us smiling) will be sampling the EVBC's wares. As loyal readers and unfortunate facebook friends will have heard, Brewmaster Marshall and I are indeed allowing a couple dozen strangers into the hallowed HQ common room to check out and judge our Avenue A-le. This revolutionary, one of a kind 'light ale' should take the world by storm...so don't be surprised if you hear about how Anheuser-Busch is creating a Michelob Light Red Ale or how Sam Adams randomly decides to start making a Boston Light Ale. Wait, they already do that? Well it aint red, biiiiiitch!

In anticipation of the momentous destruction of my self esteem by self appointed beer experts such as myself, I've added a nifty beer tasting countdown clock to the right there so that you can taste the palpable tension in the air before you taste the deliciously spicy and smooth finishing red ale that B.M. and I whipped up last month. Now, I know what you're thinking, mostly because I've been told it over and over again by you dedicated Tastemasters out there - "Brewmaster Eric, your wisdom and foresight has been incredible thus far - you've anticipated a huge uptick in the popularity of home brewing while tapping into the very essence of high art through your witty posts and insanely creative ms paint masterpieces. Why, oh dear god why, are you giving away the precious brew to relative strangers when we, your friends and loved ones get nothing?"

Fear not, my taste-worthy friends, for we are saving a special 12 pack of Avenue A-le just for you! As many of you already know because of our facebook friendship, I've filled out the necessary paperwork and requisitioned EVBC HQ for my own personal birthday party just hours after the Gut Instinct tasting! If you arrive at my birthday dinner at a reasonable hour, you'll be first in line to sup 'pon delicious FritoPie and sample the soon-to-be-legendary Avenue A-le. As an added incentive, if you can get 5 of your friends to sign up as our facebook fans before next weekend (and you can prove it by telling me who they are), I'll even personally label and set aside a commemorative light red ale bottle for you to keep! Buying popularity is exactly what got me this far, so why not go a little further.

In other brewey news, my friends, the submissions for naming our beautifully fermenting Belgian Witbier closes Monday evening. We have five submissions thus far, each one funnier than the last - so keep 'em coming! Until next time, stay brewey.

Comparison Shopping

In anticipation of Brewmaggedon 3 - Son of Brewmaggedon, which kicks off right alongside some playoff football early tomorrow afternoon, I once again made a pilgrimage out to Brooklyn to pick-up some sanitizer and grommets for the fermenting bucket to prevent unwanted beer spoilage. Like a London bound flight in the jet stream, I rode the relative manic streak I have found myself in over the past two days and made not one but two separate brew shop stops in Brooklyn (both off the dreaded weekend R train...) - first up, Brooklyn Brew Shop.

Brooklyn Brew Shop operates out of the Brooklyn Flea Market which currently finds itself housed at One Hanson Place near the Pacific Ave stop (normally used to more bucolic surroundings but for a time housed in an incredibly ornate and impressive defunct bank building due to the cold winter chill). The Brooklyn Flea Market...where throngs of bearded photogs and tshirt marketers can blow 200 bucks on disco balls and mounted deer heads alike, all while window shopping necklaces fashioned from dented Coors light bottle caps and bits of thread. It was unclear whether or not the artisans themselves were selling these items ironically, but the gravely intensity of the refurbished clock/pocket watch shop-keep strongly suggested that at least he believed in his craft and was not simply pandering to the hipsterati.

I made my way downstairs to the vault, still a bit more "Cask of Amontillado" than I might have hoped, and the first table on the right was the Brooklyn Home Brew setup. Forced to wait on line behind nine or so fresh-to-the-scene kit brewers I grew impatient...we here at the EVBC mean business, and I didn't intend to piss away my Saturday afternoon listening to a mini-orchestra of noobs buying equipment we already possessed. Sadly, my very purpose in visiting was thwarted when I was told they had done run out of sanitizer...so it was back to the R train to discover points more Brooklyn-er.

After winding my way down to 56th street, I once again walked into the doors of Brooklyn Homebrew - their last day at the old shop before moving to finer digs on 8th street, a mere hop and skip from sunny EVBC HQ. While the Brooklyn Brew Shop is a great way to get an intro to brewing, true Brewthusiasts need to hit up this all-in-one shop for friendly advice and a full range of available equipment once you move past the beginning stages of brewmastery. I got the supplies and some extremely useful brewing advice (for instance, how to brew the grains the proper way...not that stupid way we've BEEN doing it). B.M. and I are all set to start in on round three - a deliciously hoppy Belgian White Ale, as of yet unnamed.

Feel free to get interactive and suggest some names!! If we pick yours as the best, a free EVBC HQ tour, a home-ordered pizza dinner and a 'meet and greet' with the Brewmasters themselves shall be your prize!!

Let's hear it for Brew York!

"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." W.C. Fields

Lucky for you, fellow Brew-thusiasts, we here at EVBC HQ are working on never letting you have to suffer the same fate as Mr. Fields during that awful, awful time. It's been a few weeks in the making and it's an ongoing project, but behold - Brew York!

Brewmaster Eric, you might ask, I don't have time to be clicking on all kinds of links... can't you just give me a witty synopsis of what that tab holds in store for me? Sure thing!

Brew York is an interactive map with all the best watering holes in the East Village (and beyond). Your faithful Brewmasters have taken it upon themselves to check out some hot spots for diverse, low cost beer drinking and will happily report upon our findings in the Brew York map. As we get drunker over the coming months, so too can you join the Brewmasters in their drinking explorations and musings!

As a quick key - the green tack is EVBC HQ where we pop our bottles for all the Brew-dudes and dudettes, the shopping bags denote local brew shops, and the lil blue balloons are our favey bars! If there's some fun anecdotes for the bar, we've been there and potentially were asked nicely to leave and never come back, and if not - then we haven't done the Brew tour yet.

Got a bar you wanna add? TELL A BREWMASTER!!
Found a sick place for on-draught Victory's V-12? TELL A BREWMASTER!!
Wake up in a particularly comfortable ditch near the park? TELL A BREWMASTER (who will promptly encourage you to either go to rehab or fucking invite us out next time)!!!

Look forward to Brew York updates in the future, and when I finally figure out how to do it, a permanent link on the page here for all your drinking needs. Remember, at the EVBC, we don't make the bars you pass out in. We make the bars you pass out in better.

The Sock Conundrum

"Those who never philosophized until they met with disappointments, have mostly become disappointed philosophers." Arthur Helps

Now, if you told me when I was a heady young child that I would one day look forward to receiving a pair of socks for the holidays, I would've slapped you square in the face. Metaphorically speaking of course, as I was the rare and undesirable combination of short, fat, weak and terribly shy. A few things have changed since then...I'm slightly less short and markedly less fat (but still joyously huggable for the holidays), and despite having suffered a brand of muscle atrophy normally reserved for invalids and shut-ins over the past 18 months due to my only-partially-by-choice sedentary lifestyle, I overcome the boundaries set for me by physical weakness with an unbridled sense of invincibility and confidence - often aided by heavy drinking of course. While most of these changes are expected growth patterns associated with "being an adult", I'm still saddened by the fact that I would receive a hosierious gift with open excitement. I mean, I really need some socks people.

The so-called Sock Conundrum - whether or not I'm to be happy with the receipt of a sealed off set of cotton tubes into which I might stick my tootsies when as a child I'd be appalled at such a notion - is translatable to any sort of gift of utility that in our younger days would be considered unacceptable. A tie, a sweater, a phone charger, 200-count ibuprofen packages, whatever... the point is that as soon as these things weren't just provided for me by my parents, I realized how much I really liked having them and how I needed to actively procure them for myself during the course of an otherwise busy day.

Brewmaster Marshall and I spent a good portion of yesterday evening discussing this and other Brewmaster-type problems (What type of beer should we make next? Why aren't more people out drinking on a Monday night? Why is that guy passed out in a tree planter? Why did we get into a tickle fight with that bouncer?) and I think we've both come to terms with being happy about getting socks. I don't get that sense of disappointment that would've hung over the evening like a bunch of ill-mannered frat boys around a game of naked Photo Hunt, in fact, I think I'm quite thankful to get anything for free, let alone some pretty righteous socks. Once I stopped worrying about what I'll be when I grow up and started worrying about having to actually grow up, present-disappointment became less of an issue.

Lucky for all you brew-thusiasts out there, you'll never have to be disappointed with your joyous receipts from the EVBC. B.M. and I recently picked up the next batch of grains and what not for Brewmaggedon 3, Son of Brewmaggedon, and a kick-ass Trapist style white ale is just a few delicious weeks away! We're already setting up shop for Poppin Bottles Deux (date forthcoming) and we can't wait to shower our fans with presents and of course, delicious tasty homebrew. Until then, kids, enjoy your holiday gifts and say thanks to everyone nice enough to get you something- even if it was just a pair of socks.

Merry X-mas, Brewthusiasts!!!

Ho ho ho, kids! I hit up Mr. Santa T's beeper and he hit me back with a complex string of numerical codes which informed me which of you have been naughty and which have been nice... but it breaks down pretty clearly along these lines:

Nice - fans of the EVBC on facebook and/or attended the Poppin Bottles party.

Naughty - Failed to be dutiful fans and/or gave me dirty looks at the Poppin Bottles party (lookin at you, Mike)

But, being the benevolent Brewmasters we are, Marshall and I are happy to forgive and forget! We got a new batch bottled up and nearly ready for consumption (look for party notifications soon) and we're still clipping along on the Facebook front.

For now, enjoy the holiday season - hopefully you all get some time away from the office, a couple long overdue fights with your family and a healthy dose of self-conscious over eating with the promise of a dietary change beginning January 1st...which clearly justifies eating that extra gingerbread cookie and plate of Christmas turducken.

Brewey Brewmas to all, and to all some good beer!

EVBC HQ Status Report - like an 8-k for your liver!

Greetings, fellow brew-thusiasts! We here at the East Village Brewing Company could not be happier with our friggin' awesome Poppin Bottles party last Thursday evening! To all those who attended, your Brewmasters once again wish to extend a drunken thank you in the form of an increasingly complicated fist bump/handshake.

To all those who did not make it, either due to waning fan-dom or to waxing work loads, fear not - Brewmaster Marshall and I were so impressed with how well round one went that we're hotly anticipating a Poppin Bottles redux in early January. Now that the last of the Stuy Town Nut Brown bottles from our uber-successful roll-out party last Thursday have been cleared and the counters of EVBC HQ finally wiped down to make room for bags of Chinese take-out and empty hummus containers, we can turn our attention to things to come - in other words, a bit of a 'how we doin' status report.

1. "Jeez guys, this isn't the worst beer I've ever had!" - Thanks! Yes, its true, people seemed to actually LIKE the beer! That warms our East Village hearts...we want to do our brand proud, after all. General consensus is that we had pretty well approximated a Newcastle-style flavor and consistency, which was the overall goal. Mission accomplished!

2. "So when the hell is my next batch ready?" - Keep your pants on, drunky, it'll be all set right in time for B.M.'s birthday in early January! Remember, you NEVER ask a Brewmaster his age... but to give you a hint, he's turning 20-beautiful. We moved the Irish Red ale we've been working on over to the secondary fermenter just this past weekend and it's lookin mighty fine. Avenue A-le is go - Mission accomplished!

3. "Brewmaster Eric, we find your blog to be thoroughly entertaining and we love being a fan of the EVBC on Facebook. You provide me with some awesome brewing knowledge while at the same time engage me intellectually and emotionally with your heartsome discourse." Didn't really hear a question in there, but thanks! We love having all you Tastemasters and Tastemistresses along for the ride... In fact, we're right up to nearly 80 fans on Facebook! I'd love to get up to 100 by the New Year's Eve EVBC Holiday Party so our marketing team will have something to celebrate. Our latest buzz-media attacks have been slow to grow (Twitter fail!) and they're feeling sad. So, tell your friends, tell your loved ones, and tell those extended network people who honestly just love posting shit in their Facebook page to sign up by searching for us at 'East Village Brewing Company'. Together WE CAN hit 100 fans by New Years! Mission Accomplished!!!

Hilarious post theme lost to ages due to whiskey shots

"Listen up, tastemasters and tastemistresses. Our joke has been boozily forgotten for nearly 12 hours. What I want out of each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every brew house, ale house, slop house and pancake house in the area. Checkpoints go up (and pants down) at fifteen High Lifes. Your fugitive's name is 'hilarious caption for a googled picture of a dude yelling on the phone'. Go get it."

It's true, friends, sad but true. Last night while I lay in bed after a solid night of mild boozery, I thought up what I was sure was the funniest goddam caption for this random picture I have. I downloaded said image a few weeks back and have been waiting to unleash it upon the word with a clever caption and post theme that would result in laughing fits, sides split, world peace and possibly some sort of hilarious writing fellowship with the Onion. Yes, it was that good.

As I drifted near to sleep, I even contemplated getting up to write said joke down. I said to myself, "Brewmaster Eric, you handsome bastard, you've done it again. With your wit and charm it is a crime that you haven't been exhalted by the masses as a literary genius whose jocularity is matched only by the great comedians of yore. Without you, we'd be lost as a society and frankly, without the East Village Brewing Company my life as I know it might as well be forfeit. Praps you should get up and jot down your latest musings so as to ensure their preservation for the ages, thus may others enjoy your humor as you do."

I made some pretty strong points. I considered them, rolled them about in my head, and being the dutiful Brewmaster I am, scaled them against their counter-arguments to make sure that getting up to write this caption down would be best. My brazen response - "fuck it, I'm sure I'll remember it tomorrow. I'll just repeat it to myself three times to be sure."

Friends, I'm pretty sure I didn't even bother repeating it to myself. What gall! Ever the faithful believer that drunk Eric is my friend, I awoke this morning loathe to find not a single scrap of paper marking my hilariosity! Clearly I've angered the beast within...what else could explain my drunken insolence.

Of course, we here at EVBC HQ mourn the loss of any fallen joke - be they forgotten in a whiskey fueled haze, thrown away after being scribbled onto a bar room napkin or lost into the internet ether like so many mis-labeled gmails archived into "Credit Cards/Bills" instead of "EVBC". But our period of sadness cannot last forever...nay, the joke would've wanted us to move on. To find happiness. To come up with other jokes...and joke we shall! Many societies mourn with group based cathartic drinking (that's how I approach Jets football as well) - so remember, come one come all to our Poppin Bottles fiasco next Thursday evening, Dec. 10th at Brewmaster Eric's house so we can give this poor lost caption a proper send off.

Let our mumbled boastings, propelled upward by so many popped bottles, guide this caption to joke heaven on brown ale-smelling wings of glory.

Brewmaggedon 2 arrives, locals feign interest

I address you tonight not as a Brewmaster of the EVBC, not as the leader of domestic brewing Operations, but as a citizen of humanity. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. B.M. calls this day "Brewmageddon 2" - the end of all things. And yet, for the first time in the history of the planet, a brewery has the technology to prevent its own extinction. All of you praying with us need to know that everything that can be done to prevent this apocryphal disaster is being called into service. The human thirst for excellent beer, brewey knowledge; every step up the ladder of science; every adventurous reach into Brooklyn; all of our combined modern technologies and imaginations; even the Brew-wars that we've fought have provided us the tools to wage this terrible battle. Through all of the chaos that is our history; through all of the wrongs and the discord; through all of the pain and suffering; through all of our times, there is one thing that has nourished our souls, and elevated our brewery above its origins, and that is our liquid yeast. No, I'm just kidding, its courage. The dreams of an entire fanbase are focused tonight on those two brave souls, day drinking and watching various disaster themed movies while trying to specifically measure out the most exact portions of hops and malts, conducting the trickiest of calculations. And may we all, fans of the EVBC the world over, see these events through. God speed, and good luck to us.

All I know is that I know nothing (about brewing)

"I decided that it was not wisdom that enabled poets to write their poetry, but a kind of instinct or inspiration, such as you find in seers and prophets who deliver all their sublime messages without knowing in the least what they mean. " Socrates


This weekend, I realized I'm a lot like Socrates. I'm white, bearded, slightly overweight, prefer to wear sandals and am often accused of corrupting the youth. Then again, all I really know about Socrates is what I gleaned from my drunken viewings of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. It's far more likely that the real Socrates didn't carry around his bag of trusty hops with him, just in case someone needed to brew on a moments notice. Lucky for you, my fellow brew-thusiasts, I never leave home without a satchel full of East Kent Goldings - just in case!

But it's not just about the hops kids, no siree...EVBC-fever is far more than that! Over the past week or so, I flipped through William Moore's "Home Beermaking - The Complete Beginner's Guidebook" in order to further educate myself on the science and art of brewing. I've learned a lot so far - and I decided to roll out some of this knowledge on the pros at Brooklyn Home Brew while we picked up supplies for this Wednesday's "Brewmaggedon 2 - This time, it's personal." How smart I sounded, asking 'bout the difference between IBU and HBU, determining which malted barley was best for our Avenue A-le and even going so far as to correctly describe why liquid yeast is better than dry yeast (cause it costs more, that's how you know things are better, cause they cost more).

All my genius of course was blown to smithereenies when the kindly shop keep reacted quite negatively to our using of an aluminum brew pot during round one...apparently a no-no in the brewing world. B.M. and I marveled at the ease with which our beer could be siphoned going forward were we to use proper sized tubing...apparently we've been making do with a less efficient method of beer-movement. The real humility didn't set in though until I had to ask how to open the bathroom door...apparently P-U-L-L means using force to move an object towards you instead of away. My bad on that one.

What was supposed to be a quick trip for a brew kit turned into a life lesson - remember, no matter how much you think you know, there's always more to be learned. Also, wipe your feet before coming inside, because frankly you're making a mess of the brew shop. I have to disagree with Mr. So-crates slightly on something though...maybe I don't need to know that I know nothing about brewing, but instead just need to keep studying, keep reading, keep brewing and keep drinking (for learning purposes I assure you). I think that's what Socrates was angling for anyways.

Specific gravity

nerves racked, we measure
how strong our brew, i wonder...
six percent - success!

There once was a brewmaster poet...

In celebration of secondary fermenting, I've whipped up some bawdy limericks for everyone's enjoyment.

The Ballad of B.M.
If you run into Brewmaster Thompson /
Don't ask 'bout his brew-making johnson /
It mixes the grains /
But oft fails to drain /
Any question'ble jetsom and flotsam.

So cries the Brewmaster
Brewmaster Eric doth pout /
When'ere he hears tastemasters shout /
"Your siphon tubes' clipp'd /
And we hear you're equipp'd /
With a racking cane terribly stout."

Congress declares B-Day 2009 National Holiday, Brewmaster Eric immediately puts on gym shorts and opens beer

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.” Richard Bach

EVBC faithful, yea, though we brew through the valley of the shadow of over-priming, I will fear no yeast, for my Tastemasters are with me. My secondary fermenter and fermtech autosiphon, they comfort you.

FINALLY! As foretold by the prophecies (read: previous blog posts), B-day is upon us. Now, per the countless throngs of brew-thirsty brew-menites who have asked if Brewmasters Marshall and Eric will be bringing their post-apocalyptic suds to various Halloween shindigs this upcoming weekend, the Brewmasters sadly must deny your prayers. Not for lack of care, friends, nay...but for lack of beer! Today darlings is indeed Brewmaggedon - the destruction of various malts, hops and potentially digital cameras should Brewmaster Eric get too close to the wort, but one must take a larger view. The Brewmaster knows that once the process is begun...iiiiiit'll actually be about six weeks before you loyal Tastemasters get any beer...but soon you will learn to stop worrying and love the brew!

Hear me out on this before you rush off to the package store, screaming "Betrayal! A pox on your mash tun!", remember that we're in this together my friends! Along the way you'll be rewarded for follow-ship with membership in the brew-minati, physical wealth (I'm quite close to having buttons all made up) and of course, first crack at the Stuy Town Brown Ale in just a few short weeks. Remember why this journey began...Brewmaggon is the casting off of the mass brew shackles!

We brew-thusiasts can no longer sit back and allow mass brew infiltration, mass brew indoctrination, mass brew subversion and the international mass brew conspiracy to sap and impurity all of our precious bodily fluids. Maybe it's the buckets and buckets of Stuytown-puddle-collected rain water talking here, but I think this first batch might be the best batch of beer ever. B.M. and I have planned to meet in a few short minutes to set up shop, get a delicious egg sandwich, then begin some good ol' fashioned morning drinking while getting the first run of EVBC's Stuy Town Brown Ale started! Rejoice!

Beginnings

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." Lao Tzu

Indeed, Brewmaster Marshall and I found ourselves on the same page yesterday evening, having both recently flirted with the idea of undertaking a home brewing hobby. Unbeknownst to me until later that same evening, my younger brother, generally concerned with my lack of direction in life and ever the more "together" one of us, had concluded with his fiance that I am in fact well suited for a career in brew-mastery. A well timed "check out this link" message from Brewmaster M (don't call him B.M. for short, he hates that) sparked a fervent discussion amongst us newly minted brew-thusiasts and off we went!

Thus began the great journey of the East Village Brewing Company!

In auspicious times such as these, I am quite prone to over-indulgence...hence the "let's buy a keg bottling system" conversation. But I'm reminded of some ageless nuggets of wisdom that teach us all that even the grandest journeys start small...Lao Tzu's timeless contribution above, albeit oft-overquoted, can once again signpost the start of our trip down brewery lane. In order to punch up the post, I even googled some other "beginnings" quotes to make myself sound smarter. Here are some winners:

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth...not going all the way, and not starting." Buddha, although this sounds more like something I would've tried to use on Philosophy majors my Sophomore year of college to try and score.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." Seneca, but this was actually more disappointing than uplifting when it hit me that Semisonic tricked me into learning Roman history when I was just trying to rock. Clever bastards.

"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. Then end is where we start from." T.S. Elliot, although unless you're high as a kite this really doesn't make any sense. All the homebrew in the world can't fix this debacle.

I suppose for all my faux-intellectual ranting, the real challenge of this journey will be not so much discerning the meaning of beginnings, but in pushing myself to follow-through to the end. So often I find myself discussing some "great idea" with my friends but usually life ends up in the way and I get drunk and move on, looking for some other hobby to help pass the time. The simple logic that home brewing bestows upon its devotees is that in the end, if you follow-through you get drunk anyways. Finally - the kind of hobby I can get behind! B.M. and I will be setting down to purchase our home brewing kit this evening, I've even set aside some space in my room to set up the gear. We've taken the single step - now its time to go all the way. And hell, if nothing else, it sure beats stamp collecting.

Destiny

I asked Eric today if he wanted to start brewing beer with me in one of our apartments, and he said he was just looking up home brewing kits this weekend. We knew it was our destiny from that point on.

We bounced around a few ideas and came up with the idea of East Village Brewing Company or EVBC. We might get tattoos of this tomorrow, schedule depending.

But before we get the slick, matching tattoos, we're going to need to get a home brewing kit. We settled on one from Homebrewers Outpost that will service our needs for the first go at it. There was some debate as to whether we should go whole hog, and buy the kit with the keg and keep it in a kegerator. However, as delicious and tempting as that sounded, rationale prevailed, so we'll start with a small operation.

We'll keep you up to date with the process of our experiences brewing for the first time, and we hope to share our first batch with many of you in the East Village!