Birthday Shmirthday, where's my blog post?

"Patience is a virtue, possess it if you can,
seldom found in woman, never found in man."

Tastemasters, we had ourselves a hell of a weekend here at HQ. As many of you know, Brewmaster Eric celebrated his birthday this past weekend the way he always does - with 12 pounds of chili, 100 bags of fritos and 40 or so of his closest friends and well-wishers. Now if you do the math, you'd figure on everyone getting 2.5 bags of fritos and about a third of a pound of chili and a food-coma so severe that even the bei-est of rut's couldn't awake them from slumber. But numbers aren't everything, my friends. For some reason we pummeled the chili in two hours and were left with nearly 50 bags of leftover fritos (ps - if you guys want some fritos, I got the hook-up) - oh, and we rocked out til the wee hours with the good folks over at King's Head Tavern. As their website proudly bosts, you can reserve the entire back area for no charge and the manager Adam is a wicked cool Aussie who welcomed us with open arms and cash registers.

But that wasn't all, no sir, not by a long shot! Earlier in the afternoon, EVBC HQ opened its arms and cash registers to 30 or so well intentioned strangers for our very first hosting-spot on the Brooklyn Home Brew Tour organized by Josh over at Gut Instinct. Seeing as how Josh is a contributing author for such fine publications as TimeOutNY and New York Magazine, Brewmaster Marshall and I tried to put our best food forward in showing off what the East Village Brewing Company had to offer. There were laughs, there were hugs, and there was a well delivered homily on the history and meaning of the EVBC by a still sober Brewmaster Eric. Once the Avenue A-le and Stuy Town Nut Brown started flowing, the crowd sampled, judged, and - gasp! - approved! A general huzzah was pronounced for the amazing accomplishment of our fantastic light red ale, including such comments as:

"It's an ideal party beer."
"I really like the light taste, definitely different."
"My eyes are up here jackass."
"I give it a 7.5 or 8"

Using the power of rounding (and self-inflation), I thus proclaim we've created a unique light red ale that wowed the crowd with an 8 rating - on only our second batch! Holy crap!! After a furious 45 minutes of pressing flesh and slinging suds, B.M. and I were left with a Florida Gator's helmet full of pretzels, a stomach full of booze and a heart full of pride. Through our continued and shameless promoting of the EVBC name and our sweet new EVBC visors (not yet available on Cafe Press) we spread the home brew gospel in style.

I fully expected a ground swell of Facebook and Follower support here in the blogosphere...predictably I'm still waiting to reap the fruits of the seeds sown that fateful Saturday. Patience, as they say, isn't just a river in Egypt...perhaps the best birthday present I could really ask for isn't a hundred new Facebook fans or a few dozen more loyal Tastemasters to follow us here in blog-ville, but the dedication to continue honing our craft and to keep pumping out quality offerings like the Avenue A-le. Perhaps I'm best served reading more, learning more, and instead of worrying about getting fans I should worry about getting myself the skills it takes to be the best damn Brewmaster I can be.

Then again, I'd take those Facebook fans too - as the epically drunk Frank Sinatra once said, "May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine."

Widget fail!

He's probably not quite ready for the tightrope act yet.

A letter from the desk of Brewmaster Eric

Dearest Tastemasters -

We are saddened to hear that our latest attempt at keeping on the cutting edge of technology has failed. Specifically, we refer to the "Gut Instinct Homebrew" countdown timer. Despite multiple rounds of troubleshooting and HQ's best minds on the project, we simply have not been able to get the damn thing to work right. Luckily, you seem to be forgiving and understanding folks, so hopefully we'll get an E(vbc) for Effort.

Our sincerest apologies,
Brewmaster Eric

2 Legit 2 Kit-Brew

"The dreams that I have in store in my mind and I know
That I'm makin it I gotta get mine and nobody's takin it away"
MC Hammer

Thanks to the internet savviness and marketing spirit of our very own Brewmaster Marshall, the EVBC will be presently signing up to *gasp* HOST a stop on a homebrew tasting tour!! This is no joke people, on January 23, EVBC HQ will be opening its doors to 20 or so brewthusiasts organized by the good folks over at the blog Gut Instinct.

What does this mean for us Brewmasters? Well, it's a chance to roll out the Avenue A-le (sampled by myself and B.M. last night...it's quite tasty) and to get some hopefully positive feedback from other Brewmasters about town.

What does this mean for you Tastemasters? Fame! Fortune! Funsies! Cause you, dear friends, were on board the EVBC train as it initially pulled out of the station, you'll always be first in line for all the cool stuff we do going forward. Don't worry, even though we're giving some of our precious brew away to strangers, who despite our parents wishes we're inviting openly into our homes (because they've promised us cash), we plan on stashing a bit in a safe place for all your tasting desires.

Wish us luck, and check out the Gut Instinct antics as well to find out a lot more about some sweet craft beers and future brew-tours!

Let's hear it for Brew York!

"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." W.C. Fields

Lucky for you, fellow Brew-thusiasts, we here at EVBC HQ are working on never letting you have to suffer the same fate as Mr. Fields during that awful, awful time. It's been a few weeks in the making and it's an ongoing project, but behold - Brew York!

Brewmaster Eric, you might ask, I don't have time to be clicking on all kinds of links... can't you just give me a witty synopsis of what that tab holds in store for me? Sure thing!

Brew York is an interactive map with all the best watering holes in the East Village (and beyond). Your faithful Brewmasters have taken it upon themselves to check out some hot spots for diverse, low cost beer drinking and will happily report upon our findings in the Brew York map. As we get drunker over the coming months, so too can you join the Brewmasters in their drinking explorations and musings!

As a quick key - the green tack is EVBC HQ where we pop our bottles for all the Brew-dudes and dudettes, the shopping bags denote local brew shops, and the lil blue balloons are our favey bars! If there's some fun anecdotes for the bar, we've been there and potentially were asked nicely to leave and never come back, and if not - then we haven't done the Brew tour yet.

Got a bar you wanna add? TELL A BREWMASTER!!
Found a sick place for on-draught Victory's V-12? TELL A BREWMASTER!!
Wake up in a particularly comfortable ditch near the park? TELL A BREWMASTER (who will promptly encourage you to either go to rehab or fucking invite us out next time)!!!

Look forward to Brew York updates in the future, and when I finally figure out how to do it, a permanent link on the page here for all your drinking needs. Remember, at the EVBC, we don't make the bars you pass out in. We make the bars you pass out in better.

Merry X-mas, Brewthusiasts!!!

Ho ho ho, kids! I hit up Mr. Santa T's beeper and he hit me back with a complex string of numerical codes which informed me which of you have been naughty and which have been nice... but it breaks down pretty clearly along these lines:

Nice - fans of the EVBC on facebook and/or attended the Poppin Bottles party.

Naughty - Failed to be dutiful fans and/or gave me dirty looks at the Poppin Bottles party (lookin at you, Mike)

But, being the benevolent Brewmasters we are, Marshall and I are happy to forgive and forget! We got a new batch bottled up and nearly ready for consumption (look for party notifications soon) and we're still clipping along on the Facebook front.

For now, enjoy the holiday season - hopefully you all get some time away from the office, a couple long overdue fights with your family and a healthy dose of self-conscious over eating with the promise of a dietary change beginning January 1st...which clearly justifies eating that extra gingerbread cookie and plate of Christmas turducken.

Brewey Brewmas to all, and to all some good beer!

And now, here's something we hope you'll really like!

Thanks to Thrillist and the ever watchful eyes of Tastemistress Purvi, EVBC HQ is happy to bring you an entertaining and thought-provoking cartoon about beer fun facts from 'The Oatmeal'. The description of the brewing process is super simplified and quite informative! I strongly encourage you to grow as a person and explore The Oatmeal's other cartoon offerings (Brewmaster's favorites include How to Ride a Pony and How to Tell if your Loved Ones are Planning to Eat You).

Hilarious post theme lost to ages due to whiskey shots

"Listen up, tastemasters and tastemistresses. Our joke has been boozily forgotten for nearly 12 hours. What I want out of each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every brew house, ale house, slop house and pancake house in the area. Checkpoints go up (and pants down) at fifteen High Lifes. Your fugitive's name is 'hilarious caption for a googled picture of a dude yelling on the phone'. Go get it."

It's true, friends, sad but true. Last night while I lay in bed after a solid night of mild boozery, I thought up what I was sure was the funniest goddam caption for this random picture I have. I downloaded said image a few weeks back and have been waiting to unleash it upon the word with a clever caption and post theme that would result in laughing fits, sides split, world peace and possibly some sort of hilarious writing fellowship with the Onion. Yes, it was that good.

As I drifted near to sleep, I even contemplated getting up to write said joke down. I said to myself, "Brewmaster Eric, you handsome bastard, you've done it again. With your wit and charm it is a crime that you haven't been exhalted by the masses as a literary genius whose jocularity is matched only by the great comedians of yore. Without you, we'd be lost as a society and frankly, without the East Village Brewing Company my life as I know it might as well be forfeit. Praps you should get up and jot down your latest musings so as to ensure their preservation for the ages, thus may others enjoy your humor as you do."

I made some pretty strong points. I considered them, rolled them about in my head, and being the dutiful Brewmaster I am, scaled them against their counter-arguments to make sure that getting up to write this caption down would be best. My brazen response - "fuck it, I'm sure I'll remember it tomorrow. I'll just repeat it to myself three times to be sure."

Friends, I'm pretty sure I didn't even bother repeating it to myself. What gall! Ever the faithful believer that drunk Eric is my friend, I awoke this morning loathe to find not a single scrap of paper marking my hilariosity! Clearly I've angered the beast within...what else could explain my drunken insolence.

Of course, we here at EVBC HQ mourn the loss of any fallen joke - be they forgotten in a whiskey fueled haze, thrown away after being scribbled onto a bar room napkin or lost into the internet ether like so many mis-labeled gmails archived into "Credit Cards/Bills" instead of "EVBC". But our period of sadness cannot last forever...nay, the joke would've wanted us to move on. To find happiness. To come up with other jokes...and joke we shall! Many societies mourn with group based cathartic drinking (that's how I approach Jets football as well) - so remember, come one come all to our Poppin Bottles fiasco next Thursday evening, Dec. 10th at Brewmaster Eric's house so we can give this poor lost caption a proper send off.

Let our mumbled boastings, propelled upward by so many popped bottles, guide this caption to joke heaven on brown ale-smelling wings of glory.

Brewmaggedon 2 arrives, locals feign interest

I address you tonight not as a Brewmaster of the EVBC, not as the leader of domestic brewing Operations, but as a citizen of humanity. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. B.M. calls this day "Brewmageddon 2" - the end of all things. And yet, for the first time in the history of the planet, a brewery has the technology to prevent its own extinction. All of you praying with us need to know that everything that can be done to prevent this apocryphal disaster is being called into service. The human thirst for excellent beer, brewey knowledge; every step up the ladder of science; every adventurous reach into Brooklyn; all of our combined modern technologies and imaginations; even the Brew-wars that we've fought have provided us the tools to wage this terrible battle. Through all of the chaos that is our history; through all of the wrongs and the discord; through all of the pain and suffering; through all of our times, there is one thing that has nourished our souls, and elevated our brewery above its origins, and that is our liquid yeast. No, I'm just kidding, its courage. The dreams of an entire fanbase are focused tonight on those two brave souls, day drinking and watching various disaster themed movies while trying to specifically measure out the most exact portions of hops and malts, conducting the trickiest of calculations. And may we all, fans of the EVBC the world over, see these events through. God speed, and good luck to us.

All I know is that I know nothing (about brewing)

"I decided that it was not wisdom that enabled poets to write their poetry, but a kind of instinct or inspiration, such as you find in seers and prophets who deliver all their sublime messages without knowing in the least what they mean. " Socrates


This weekend, I realized I'm a lot like Socrates. I'm white, bearded, slightly overweight, prefer to wear sandals and am often accused of corrupting the youth. Then again, all I really know about Socrates is what I gleaned from my drunken viewings of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. It's far more likely that the real Socrates didn't carry around his bag of trusty hops with him, just in case someone needed to brew on a moments notice. Lucky for you, my fellow brew-thusiasts, I never leave home without a satchel full of East Kent Goldings - just in case!

But it's not just about the hops kids, no siree...EVBC-fever is far more than that! Over the past week or so, I flipped through William Moore's "Home Beermaking - The Complete Beginner's Guidebook" in order to further educate myself on the science and art of brewing. I've learned a lot so far - and I decided to roll out some of this knowledge on the pros at Brooklyn Home Brew while we picked up supplies for this Wednesday's "Brewmaggedon 2 - This time, it's personal." How smart I sounded, asking 'bout the difference between IBU and HBU, determining which malted barley was best for our Avenue A-le and even going so far as to correctly describe why liquid yeast is better than dry yeast (cause it costs more, that's how you know things are better, cause they cost more).

All my genius of course was blown to smithereenies when the kindly shop keep reacted quite negatively to our using of an aluminum brew pot during round one...apparently a no-no in the brewing world. B.M. and I marveled at the ease with which our beer could be siphoned going forward were we to use proper sized tubing...apparently we've been making do with a less efficient method of beer-movement. The real humility didn't set in though until I had to ask how to open the bathroom door...apparently P-U-L-L means using force to move an object towards you instead of away. My bad on that one.

What was supposed to be a quick trip for a brew kit turned into a life lesson - remember, no matter how much you think you know, there's always more to be learned. Also, wipe your feet before coming inside, because frankly you're making a mess of the brew shop. I have to disagree with Mr. So-crates slightly on something though...maybe I don't need to know that I know nothing about brewing, but instead just need to keep studying, keep reading, keep brewing and keep drinking (for learning purposes I assure you). I think that's what Socrates was angling for anyways.

Congress declares B-Day 2009 National Holiday, Brewmaster Eric immediately puts on gym shorts and opens beer

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.” Richard Bach

EVBC faithful, yea, though we brew through the valley of the shadow of over-priming, I will fear no yeast, for my Tastemasters are with me. My secondary fermenter and fermtech autosiphon, they comfort you.

FINALLY! As foretold by the prophecies (read: previous blog posts), B-day is upon us. Now, per the countless throngs of brew-thirsty brew-menites who have asked if Brewmasters Marshall and Eric will be bringing their post-apocalyptic suds to various Halloween shindigs this upcoming weekend, the Brewmasters sadly must deny your prayers. Not for lack of care, friends, nay...but for lack of beer! Today darlings is indeed Brewmaggedon - the destruction of various malts, hops and potentially digital cameras should Brewmaster Eric get too close to the wort, but one must take a larger view. The Brewmaster knows that once the process is begun...iiiiiit'll actually be about six weeks before you loyal Tastemasters get any beer...but soon you will learn to stop worrying and love the brew!

Hear me out on this before you rush off to the package store, screaming "Betrayal! A pox on your mash tun!", remember that we're in this together my friends! Along the way you'll be rewarded for follow-ship with membership in the brew-minati, physical wealth (I'm quite close to having buttons all made up) and of course, first crack at the Stuy Town Brown Ale in just a few short weeks. Remember why this journey began...Brewmaggon is the casting off of the mass brew shackles!

We brew-thusiasts can no longer sit back and allow mass brew infiltration, mass brew indoctrination, mass brew subversion and the international mass brew conspiracy to sap and impurity all of our precious bodily fluids. Maybe it's the buckets and buckets of Stuytown-puddle-collected rain water talking here, but I think this first batch might be the best batch of beer ever. B.M. and I have planned to meet in a few short minutes to set up shop, get a delicious egg sandwich, then begin some good ol' fashioned morning drinking while getting the first run of EVBC's Stuy Town Brown Ale started! Rejoice!

Beginnings

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." Lao Tzu

Indeed, Brewmaster Marshall and I found ourselves on the same page yesterday evening, having both recently flirted with the idea of undertaking a home brewing hobby. Unbeknownst to me until later that same evening, my younger brother, generally concerned with my lack of direction in life and ever the more "together" one of us, had concluded with his fiance that I am in fact well suited for a career in brew-mastery. A well timed "check out this link" message from Brewmaster M (don't call him B.M. for short, he hates that) sparked a fervent discussion amongst us newly minted brew-thusiasts and off we went!

Thus began the great journey of the East Village Brewing Company!

In auspicious times such as these, I am quite prone to over-indulgence...hence the "let's buy a keg bottling system" conversation. But I'm reminded of some ageless nuggets of wisdom that teach us all that even the grandest journeys start small...Lao Tzu's timeless contribution above, albeit oft-overquoted, can once again signpost the start of our trip down brewery lane. In order to punch up the post, I even googled some other "beginnings" quotes to make myself sound smarter. Here are some winners:

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth...not going all the way, and not starting." Buddha, although this sounds more like something I would've tried to use on Philosophy majors my Sophomore year of college to try and score.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." Seneca, but this was actually more disappointing than uplifting when it hit me that Semisonic tricked me into learning Roman history when I was just trying to rock. Clever bastards.

"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. Then end is where we start from." T.S. Elliot, although unless you're high as a kite this really doesn't make any sense. All the homebrew in the world can't fix this debacle.

I suppose for all my faux-intellectual ranting, the real challenge of this journey will be not so much discerning the meaning of beginnings, but in pushing myself to follow-through to the end. So often I find myself discussing some "great idea" with my friends but usually life ends up in the way and I get drunk and move on, looking for some other hobby to help pass the time. The simple logic that home brewing bestows upon its devotees is that in the end, if you follow-through you get drunk anyways. Finally - the kind of hobby I can get behind! B.M. and I will be setting down to purchase our home brewing kit this evening, I've even set aside some space in my room to set up the gear. We've taken the single step - now its time to go all the way. And hell, if nothing else, it sure beats stamp collecting.

Destiny

I asked Eric today if he wanted to start brewing beer with me in one of our apartments, and he said he was just looking up home brewing kits this weekend. We knew it was our destiny from that point on.

We bounced around a few ideas and came up with the idea of East Village Brewing Company or EVBC. We might get tattoos of this tomorrow, schedule depending.

But before we get the slick, matching tattoos, we're going to need to get a home brewing kit. We settled on one from Homebrewers Outpost that will service our needs for the first go at it. There was some debate as to whether we should go whole hog, and buy the kit with the keg and keep it in a kegerator. However, as delicious and tempting as that sounded, rationale prevailed, so we'll start with a small operation.

We'll keep you up to date with the process of our experiences brewing for the first time, and we hope to share our first batch with many of you in the East Village!