Lessons Unlearned

"The measure of a man is what he does with beer floats." Plato

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What a weekend...I don't know about you, tastemasters, but Brewmasters Marshall and Eric took a low key evening of beer floats and somehow let it get out of hand. Sure, we were mildly concerned when at first only 4 people showed up to our awesome stout and frozen treats party last Saturday (three of which lived at HQ, the other of which was Brewmaster Marshall). Sure, we spent most of the party playing music on mini-tambourines and maracas while watching Teen Wolf 2 on mute. But we soldiered on...besides, what could be better than 4 gallons of ice cream and 2 cases of chilled out stout?

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Nearly anything, ultimately was the answer. The EVBC learned some valuable lessons about the art of brewing merely by watching the guests craft careful excuses about why they weren't drinking beer floats. "I'm watching my figure," said one particularly svelt looking party guest. "I'm lactose intolerant," said another, playing upon Brewmaster Eric's heartstrings like the finely tuned Stradivarius it is. "Um... it's not kosher..." sputtered a particularly goyish looking Latin fellow, arousing suspicion that perhaps all the guys were dodging telling us the truth.

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The truth of course being that beer floats are gross.

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People straight up don't want beer floats. Hell I think even ROOT beer floats push the line of good taste to its breaking point. You know how when you're a kid you think they're awesome but now you don't drink them much anymore? That's cause they're fucking gross. Kids will eat 14 pixie sticks and then puke because they're so excited to see SpongeBob Squarepants that they simply can't help themselves...why in gods name are you listening to kids? Pretend as you will, chic jean'd hipsterati, that you're enjoying that oatmeal stout float after you down a locally raised grass fed tofurkey, swimming au jus in its own sense of self-importance. We've proven scientifically that it's all crap. Down at HQ we're happy to go forward having never again to wonder what that beer float on the dessert menu will be like and if we're better off ordering the apple crisp. We know we're better off ordering the apple crisp. And with all our leftover ice cream from the weekend, we're a la moding that bad boy all the way to the bank.