Here come the (beer) judge

As both a brewmaster and a doctor of laws, I consider myself to be a pretty smart and savvy brewthusiast. But in the court of brewy competition, much like in federal court, the only opinion that really matters is that of the judge herself (EVBC is an equal opportunity employer, incredibly PC in all matters written and spoken, and pretty snappy dressers when the occassion calls for it. Well, Brewmaster Marshall is anyways). When I sip 'pon the finest East Village Brewing creations, such as our soon to be completed masterpiece E. Vil. Empire Imperial Stout, I think fondly of their younger days as a big ol bag of grains, and of all the little moments we had along the way... like when the hops were stirred in, or when their fallen comrades who spilt off the side of the bottle lip chose to stain my kitchen floor for all eternity instead of joining their brethren in soppy greatness. Sadly, like a proud parent or an oddly attached pet owner, when I look at my creations I see only greatness - but the judge sees not my love.

The judge sees flaws. The judge sees imperfections. The judge... well... they judge. It's kind of self explanatory. So in an attempt to both become a better and more even-handed judge of beer-character, and maybe even shamelessly self promote along the way, I am registering with the Beer Judge Certification Program (BJCP for short - everyone loves acronyms!) in order to perfect my palate and raise my credibility in the brewing community. With an accredited BJCP approved judge on our team, the East Village Brewing Company is moving towards great things - great, judgmental things!

From now on when out at a bar I can say "this IPA's a bit light for an American offering..." or when sitting on the judge's panel for a local homebrew challenge I can pronounce "I'm pretty sure your marriage failed because you didn't add enough malty flavor to your porter." And you know what? They have to respect my decision (and/or beat me up in the alley after the competition)! What joy! What fun!

Whaddya mean I have to study my ass off for it? Apparently this thing is no joke... I have to download a few pdf's to get my knowledge up, there's a suggested reading list of like 30 books, and best of all, I am supposed to buy a smell kit so I can hone my senses. As if my eagle eyes and cat like reflexes weren't good enough for them! Well, it seems as though you have to pay the cost to be the boss, so I'm off to get myself a sniffin' kit and start the learning process. Hell if I survived the New York State Bar exam, I suppose I can make it through the BJCP test. At least this time they'll give me credit for drinking as part of my studying regimen.

Now that's what I call education.